Post-Abortion Healing

How Abortion Changes You

I recently came across a flyer from the Archdiocesan Respect Life Apostolate which contained a list of symptoms for Post-Abortion Syndrome. I thought it would be good for me to share this list with you because I believe that all decisions have an effect on us for good or for bad and that it is important to understand the bad effects that choosing to have an abortion has for both men and women.

Post Abortion Syndrome
An abortion changes you forever. There are many health and emotional problems associated with abortion.
1. Intense pain and internal bleeding
2. Infertility due to scar tissue, infection, and/or other complications
3. Increase risk of miscarriage and breast cancer
4. Trouble with sleeping, recurrent nightmares, flashbacks, anxiety attacks
5. Feeling of anxiety, grief, or low self-esteem especially on the anniversary of the abortion or expected due date
6. Self-destructive tendencies such as eating disorders, sexual dysfunction, and substance abuse
7. Depression and/or thoughts of suicide
8. Anger toward self and/or others involved in the abortion decision and often the destruction of those relationships.
9. Inability to find fun or pleasure in usual activities.
10. Withdrawal or estrangement from others.
11. Repression or denial about thoughts or feelings dealing with the abortion
12. Inability to maintain loving healthy relationships
13. Problems bonding with current and future children
14. Feelings of guilt and shame
15. Rear of rejection from God, faith community, and/or family

There is help for you
Please Contact Project Rachel
314.792.7565
(Free, confidential, & professional counseling &spiritual direction for anyone wounded by abortion)
www. STLProjectRachel.org

We all want to be loved: A priest's view on abortion
by Jennifer Brinker

Father Tom Pastorius believes that all of the problems in the world come down to one thing — people just want to be loved. But sometimes that desire comes with a fear that we’re unlovable.

“We fear that somehow when God made us, he made a mistake,” said the associate pastor of St. Mark Parish in Affton. “And if people really knew who we were, they wouldn’t love us. So we try to … steal, manipulate, do all these things to get love.”

Earlier this year, Father Pastorius began assisting with Project Rachel, the Church’s ministry to women who have experienced an abortion. After undergoing training for the ministry, his primary role has been offering the Sacrament of Reconciliation and providing spiritual guidance in the retreatants’ journey toward healing.

The priest said he explains to women who come to him for the sacrament that “the good news of the Gospel is that God loves us unconditionally. We don’t have to earn it. We just have to receive it. I tell them no matter what they’ve done, God still loves them.”

He’s observed that women who attend the retreats often are experiencing grief and thoughts of self-punishment. That often carries over into their relationships with other people. He helps them understand that “they are loved, and they don’t have to ruin these relationships.”

While healing is a critical part of the ministry, so is acknowledging — and forgiving — the sin of abortion.

“I think people sometimes get confused when it comes to forgiveness,” said Father Pastorius. “It isn’t acquitting or letting one off the hook, but acknowledging our sin and asking for forgiveness — and then moving forward with a determination not to sin again.”

Doing penance as part of the sacrament is an important part of moving forward. But he stressed, “Penance is not what we need to do in order to earn God’s forgiveness. It’s an effort on the priest’s part to give some guidance to start this new way of life free from sin.” Examples of penance could include prayers to reflect on or journaling about their journey back to God.

Father Pastorius said he’s grateful to be part of such an important ministry of the Church.

I have been blest by God to have had the wonderful opportunity to work with the post-abortive healing ministries in the Archdiocese of St. Louis for over three years now. It has been a humbling and awesome experience to walk with the women and men who have had or participated in an abortion in some way. I have a deep love and respect for each person as they come to grips with the reality and consequences that their choices have brought about.

In October 2011, I was able to attend a Healing Visions Conference and hear Vicky Thorn, the founder of Project Rachel, speak. One of the ways in which she described herself was that she was an expert in a field that does not exist. I have come to see her as a pioneer in the field of post-abortion healing as she gathers resources and insights from everywhere and learns to apply them to the post-abortive healing process. In many ways, even though we are coming upon the fortieth anniversary of the legalization of abortion in the United States, there is still little being written concerning the post-abortive ministries of the Church. One of the reasons for this is the confidential aspect of the ministry. Over the last few months, I have felt a call to share some of my insights into this important ministry as a way of helping others understand how to bring about Christ’s healing to those wounded by abortion.

The first insight that I have gained in my post-abortive ministry is that there are a lot of people who the person, who had the abortion, has to come to grips with and hopefully learn to forgive. Most people who have participated in an abortion, I feel, stall their healing process because they do not understand how many people that they are angry with (right or wrong). For example a woman may not realize that she is angry with her parents for not providing an environment that would have helped them choose life. Sometimes a person must come to forgive the other person involved in the conception of the child this is especially difficult for men who may have wanted the child, but had no legal way to stop the mother from having an abortion. I cannot help but feel a lot of hurt, doubled in this area, occurs because as John Paul II pointed out in his Theology of the Body the man and woman said “yes” to each other in the language of the body and are not saying “no” resulting in a very violent conclusion (the abortion) to this part of their relationship. A man or woman, who has participated in abortion, may be angry at the Church for not being a place where they could come for help at his or her moment of need. Finally the post-abortive person may also be angry with God and this anger can take on many different forms. Sometimes the person is angry at God for “causing the pregnancy.” Other times they are mad at God because “God still loves them.” This love that they feel they do not deserve tortures them more than we may ever know. Helping them discover all the different people directly or indirectly in a person’s decision to abort, and helping them to understand and forgive, is a major part of the healing process for a person who is suffering from post abortion syndrome.

Another powerful insight is that the key person that they must learn to forgive is themselves. A person who is coming to grips with having an abortion must face the fact that they have done something horrible. And as horrible as the act of an abortion may be God love is stronger. Accepting responsibility for her actions is often much easier than accepting the fact that God still loves her. Often blessings from God become sources of sadness as the post-abortive woman desires God to punish her for this evil act. Helping her understand that our God is a God of love and mercy may be the hardest part of the post-abortive ministry. Many times the situation is complicated by the woman’s love for her present situation that she knows she would not have had without the abortion. For example, a woman who had an abortion when she was in college now feels guilty for enjoying her married life with two children. It is important for her to come to grips with the idea that it is alright to benefit from evil. In some sense this is what our whole Christian faith is based on. We have benefited from the evil of killing God in the crucifixion and have been blessed with eternal life through the resurrection.

A woman who has had an abortion also must come to grips with the fact that she had been duped by those she trusted. She was promised a quick and easy answer to her problem and it turned out to be anything but that. She was promised that the people at the clinic cared for her but every story that I have heard from women who have had an abortion about their experience in the clinics sends a chill down my spine. From listening to their stories and the stories of those who have worked in abortion clinics it seems that once the woman has committed to have an abortion the clinic goes from being a warm caring place to being a very cold place. She was told that it was not a baby inside her but rather a bunch of tissues, but deep down she knew better and she definitely knows now that she bought the lie and what is worse she bought the lie knowing that it was a lie. The great thing about this situation is not only does my heart go out to these women but I know our God’s heart also goes out. These women are still His daughters who He loves very much. Sharing that truth with them over and over again helps them eventually learn to forgive themselves because they begin to see that they don’t have to earn God’s love but rather just accept it.

The final insight I would like to share is that women who have had an abortion need to realize that the reaction that they are going through is normal. Our society tells them that there is no such thing as post-abortion-syndrome and there are no consequences from an abortion but now their bodies and minds are telling them differently. They need to understand that denying, pretending the abortion did not take place, for years is natural because denial is a defense mechanism which protects the mind from things that it just cannot comprehend at the moment. Denial will only last so long though and when we feel safe our mind and body will want to figure out what had happened. So sometimes regret for an abortion comes years after the abortion. They may now find themselves being rude or even mean to loved ones because subconsciously they don’t feel they are worthy of love or that it is only a matter of time before God punishes them for their abortion and therefore they are afraid to get too close to people. Sometimes they may even experience physical symptoms because of all the stress they are under as their brain and body try to wrestle with what they have done.

I pray that my insights may help you come to understand some of what may be going on inside someone who is wrestling with their choice to abort or to participate in an abortion because there are some out there who estimate that one out of every three women in our pews each Sunday have had an abortion. While I cannot back that statement up with any facts, I do know from my own personal experience that many of the women I meet in my post-abortive ministry attend Church every Sunday and some are very involved in their parishes. So those who are suffering from their choices are much closer than you may think.

The following article, is an article I wrote for The Priest Magazine which is published by Our Sunday Visitor.  The United States Catholic Conference of Bishop's Pro-Life Office came across it and wrote me a note telling me how much they appreciated it. 
 

Exploring the World of Post-Abortive Healing
By Fr. Thomas M. Pastorius

In the story of the Good Samaritan we hear about a man who has fallen victim to robbers.  We go onto discover that two individuals that should have helped the wounded individual chose not to and only a Samaritan (the one person who people would have predicted not to help) chooses to help.  The Good Samaritan stabilizes the man and takes him to an inn and asks the innkeeper to take care of the person until he returns.  One way in which we can read the story is that humanity is the victim of the world and Jesus is the Good Samaritan who heals and binds our wounds.  In this view the Church is the innkeeper who Jesus entrusts us to until He returns to take us home.  In my many years of working with people who have had an abortion or participated in an abortion, I can see the Church truly working as the inn-keeper helping to heal the wounds caused by the abortion.  The following are ten insights that I have learned from my post-abortive ministry.  I offer them to you in the hopes that they will help you understand this important healing ministry in the Church.  I hope that these insights will help you understand that our brothers and sisters who have participated in the sin of abortion have been forgiven by God and need our love and not our condemnation.  

1.  One may experience pains from an abortion despite having a mostly happy life.
Many of the men and women, who I have worked with often, come with a desire to heal their divided heart.  There is a part of them that sincerely and deeply regrets having had the abortion, because they now acknowledge the fact that the abortion did take the life of their unborn son or daughter.  There is, however, another part of them that are enjoying their current life and they know that this life would not have existed if it were not for the abortion.  For example a woman when she is 18 has an abortion because she is afraid to become an unwed mother.  Six years later she has her act together and has married the man of her dreams and together they have two beautiful children together.  She feels guilty for having the abortion but, does not know what to do because at the same time she knows that if she would have had the first child, she would not be living the life she is living today. 
 
One of the most amazing things about our God is that He never stops loving us and He is always blessing us.  Jesus makes this clear for example in the story of the Prodigal Son.  As the younger son returns confessing his sins to his father, the father is blessing his son with a ring, a robe, and a feast (Luke 15).  God does not allow our sins to prevent Him from giving us the blessings He desires to give us.  God is a master of bringing good out of evil.  Post-abortive healing allows men and women to understand better this unconditional love of God and that it is alright to enjoy God’s blessing even though we don’t deserve them.   This is actually the cornerstone of our faith.  We crucified Christ (killed God’s Son) and instead of punishing us, God gave us the gift of eternal life. 
 
Post abortive healing can help men and women come to grips with their abortion and in the process make them better and more loving people.  They can become better parents and better spouses by getting rid of the extra emotional baggage that they have been carrying with them from their abortion experience. 
 
2.  Healing happens at one own pace. 
I have learned that no two people heal the same way from the abortion experience.  For some people it may take years for them to even acknowledge that they had an abortion and for others they realize their mistakes before they make it home from the abortion facility.  The priests, counselors, and other qualified staff need to be present to walk with a person on his or her healing journey at their own pace. 
 
3.  Confidentiality is highly respected.
Each person’s life is their story and they have the right to share all or part of it with whoever they wish.  Those working in post-abortion healing have discovered that the person coming to us has a lot of things to deal with before he or she is ready to share his or her story with others outside the healing circle.  What we desire simply is for the person  to heal and feel God’s love.  We never expect them to tell their family or become a pro-life speaker. 
 
4.  God desires to heal and He does not hold grudges.
Sadly many people do not look upon God in the way that Jesus taught us to.  Instead of a loving Father who sent his Son into the world to save us and not to condemn us (John 3:16), they see a judge who desires to condemn.  Instead of seeing Jesus as a savior who conquered sin and death, they see Jesus as some sort of wise teacher but they do not believe Jesus has the power to forgive their great sin.  Finally, instead of seeing the Holy Spirit as love of God, they think of some the Holy Spirit as some sort of revenge seeking spirit.  As we listen to the stories of others who have felt God’s love and healing power we begin to discover the truth of the matter is that God is love and he conquered sin and death and sent his Holy Spirit for the forgiveness of sin. 
 
5.  God does not care if you should’ve known better.
Sometimes people who come for post-abortive healing have to get over the stumbling block that they should have known better or they should have fought harder to protect their child.  Our Father in heaven knows what was going through their mind at the time of the abortion better than they did at that moment.  While He respected their free will to make a wrong decision, He never stopped loving them.  He predicted Peter’s denials and His disciples abandonment and when He returned He did not destroy them, but rather once raised from the dead Jesus offered them His peace.
 
6.  You can be pro-life and not feel like such a hypocrite
A few of the women that have come to Project Rachel have come so after the children have reached high school and have traveled to Washington D.C. for the pro-life March.  They are proud of their children for standing up for life but often feel like a hypocrite because of their past abortion.  The truth of the matter is that they made a mistake and they should not let that mistake define the rest of their life.  Peter after denying Christ did not allow his mistake to define him but rather He allowed God’s mercy to motivate him.  David, after being confronted by the prophet Nathan for how easily he had Uriah killed, refused from that moment on to kill another person.  He refused to kill his son Absalom when Absalom tried to have him killed so that Absalom could be king and he refused to have Shimei killed after Shimei mocked him and threw stones at him (2 Samuel 16). 
 
7.  You can stop punishing yourself
Many men and women who have had an abortion discover many ways to punish themselves by sabotaging the very relationships they desire the most.  They often do so because they are afraid of being hurt because they do not deserve a healthy relationship and/or they are afraid God will take away the relationship because of their sin.  Therefore they try not to have any relationships so they cannot get hurt.  Post-abortive counseling can help individuals discover the triggers for self-destructive behaviors and help men and women overcome them. 
 
8. You want to be able to look upon children and not be overcome with sadness
Many men and women who have had or participated in an abortion develop mental triggers that induce pain and sadness.   One of the most obvious of these triggers can be children.  Other triggers may be associated with a special date (The date of the abortion or the date the child was to be born, or even the date when the child was conceived).  Post-abortion healing can help us identify those triggers and find healthy ways to live with them and have them cause less pain and sadness in our lives.
 
9. You may be angry at God and others.
In my own battle with depression, I often have to admit to God that I am angry with Him for allowing me to have to battle depression.  Why did God not take it away from me?  In post-abortion healing, I have discovered that sometimes the person desiring healing needs to (whether they are aware of it or not) learn to forgive God, themselves, parents, significant other, and/or other people.  While not always holding these people responsible for their sin, there was at least some disappointment that no one stopped them from having the abortion. 
 
10.  People will judge you but who cares because God loves you..
As stated before, we never expect anyone in Project Rachel or Project Joseph to share their story with others against their will.  There are times however that the person seeking help may want to tell someone like a spouse, a fiancé or a parent.  We can help by allowing them to role play the different scenarios that may happen in a safe environment for we never extend judgment to anyone but only God’s unconditional love. 
 
I hope the sharing of my list has helped you better understand the healing and redemption that can be found by assisting someone in one of the Church’s post-abortive healing ministries.  I invite you to pray for those who have had an abortion will seek God’s healing and forgiving love.  There is no better companion  on the healing journey than the Church for wherever she is so is her Lord Jesus Christ. 

This is another article that I wrote to my wrote for my brother priests that was published in The Priest Magazine.

Four Healing Insights from my work in Post Abortive Healing Ministry.
By Fr. Thomas M. Pastorius

I have been blest by God to have had the wonderful opportunity to work with the post-abortive healing ministries in the Archdiocese of St. Louis for over three years now.  It has been a humbling and awesome experience to walk with the women and men who have had or participated in an abortion in some way.  I have a deep love and respect for each person as they come to grips with the reality and consequences that their choices have brought about. 

In October 2011, I was able to attend a Healing Visions Conference and hear Vicky Thorn, the founder of Project Rachel, speak.  One of the ways in which she described herself was that she was an expert in a field that does not exist.  I have come to see her as a pioneer in the field of post-abortion healing as she gathers resources and insights from everywhere and learns to apply them to the post-abortive healing process.  In many ways, even though we are coming upon the fortieth anniversary of the legalization of abortion in the United States, there is still little being written concerning the post-abortive ministries of the Church.  One of the reasons for this is the confidential aspect of the ministry.   Over the last few months, I have felt a call to share some of my insights into this important ministry as a way of helping others understand how to bring about Christ’s healing to those wounded by abortion. 

The first insight that I have gained in my post-abortive ministry is that there are a lot of people who the person, who had the abortion, has to come to grips with and hopefully learn to forgive. Most people who have participated in an abortion, I feel, stall their healing process because they do not understand how many people that they are angry with (right or wrong).  For example a woman may not realize that she is angry with her parents for not providing an environment that would have helped them choose life.  Sometimes a person must come to forgive the other person involved in the conception of the child this is especially difficult for men who may have wanted the child, but had no legal way to stop the mother from having an abortion.  I cannot help but feel a lot of hurt, doubled in this area, occurs because as John Paul II pointed out in his Theology of the Body the man and woman said “yes” to each other in the language of the body and are not saying “no” resulting in a very violent conclusion (the abortion) to this part of their relationship.  A man or woman, who has participated in abortion, may be angry at the Church for not being a place where they could come for help at his or her moment of need.  Finally the post-abortive person may also be angry with God and this anger can take on many different forms.   Sometimes the person is angry at God for “causing the pregnancy.”  Other times they are mad at God because “God still loves them.”   This love that they feel they do not deserve tortures them more than we may ever know.  Helping them discover all the different people directly or indirectly in a person’s decision to abort, and helping them to understand and forgive, is a major part of the healing process for a person who is suffering from post abortion syndrome.
Another powerful insight is that the key person that they must learn to forgive is themselves.  A person who is coming to grips with having an abortion must face the fact that they have done something horrible.  And as horrible as the act of an abortion may be God love is stronger.  Accepting responsibility for her actions is often much easier than accepting the fact that God still loves her.  Often blessings from God become sources of sadness as the post-abortive woman desires God to punish her for this evil act.   Helping her understand that our God is a God of love and mercy may be the hardest part of the post-abortive ministry.  Many times the situation is complicated by the woman’s love for her present situation that she knows she would not have had without the abortion.  For example, a woman who had an abortion when she was in college now feels guilty for enjoying her married life with two children.   It is important for her to come to grips with the idea that it is alright to benefit from evil.   In some sense this is what our whole Christian faith is based on.  We have benefited from the evil of killing God in the crucifixion and have been blessed with eternal life through the resurrection. 

A woman who has had an abortion also must come to grips with the fact that she had been duped by those she trusted.  She was promised a quick and easy answer to her problem and it turned out to be anything but that.  She was promised that the people at the clinic cared for her but every story that I have heard from women who have had an abortion about their experience in the clinics sends a chill down my spine.  From listening to their stories and the stories of those who have worked in abortion clinics it seems that once the woman has committed to have an abortion the clinic goes from being a warm caring place to being a very cold place.  She was told that it was not a baby inside her but rather a bunch of tissues, but deep down she knew better and she definitely knows now that she bought the lie and what is worse she bought the lie knowing that it was a lie.  The great thing about this situation is not only does my heart go out to these women but I know our God’s heart also goes out.  These women are still His daughters who He loves very much.   Sharing that truth with them over and over again helps them eventually learn to forgive themselves because they begin to see that they don’t have to earn God’s love but rather just accept it. 

The final insight I would like to share is that women who have had an abortion need to realize that the reaction that they are going through is normal.   Our society tells them that there is no such thing as post-abortion-syndrome and there are no consequences from an abortion but now their bodies and minds are telling them differently.   They need to understand that denying, pretending the abortion did not take place, for years is natural because denial is a defense mechanism which protects the mind from things that it just cannot comprehend at the moment.  Denial will only last so long though and when we feel safe our mind and body will want to figure out what had happened.  So sometimes regret for an abortion comes years after the abortion.  They may now find themselves being rude or even mean to loved ones because subconsciously they don’t feel they are worthy of love or that it is only a matter of time before God punishes them for their abortion and therefore they are afraid to get too close to people.  Sometimes they may even experience physical symptoms because of all the stress they are under as their brain and body try to wrestle with what they have done. 

I pray that my insights may help you come to understand some of what may be going on inside someone who is wrestling with their choice to abort or to participate in an abortion because there are some out there who estimate that one out of every three women in our pews each Sunday have had an abortion.  While I cannot back that statement up with any facts, I do know from my own personal experience that many of the women I meet in my post-abortive ministry attend Church every Sunday and some are very involved in their parishes.  So those who are suffering from their choices are much closer than you may think.