Fr. Thomas M. Pastorius
June 7, 20115
Spiritual Ponderings
Spirituality of Fundraising

According to one Biblical scholar there are approximately 700 direct references to money in the Bible and hundreds more indirect references. Plus, nearly two thirds of the parables of Jesus dealt with the use of money and yet most priest (including myself) are afraid to talk about money. Perhaps it is because the old saying “the last part of a person to be converted is their wallet” has more truth to it than we would like. We always seem to find the time and money to spend on things that we want.

While preparing couples for marriage, I have stumbled upon a large number of books written by Dr. Gottman. Dr. Gottman has been listed as one of the top 10 Most Influential Therapists of the past quarter century by the Psychotherapy Networker and has published over 190 academic articles and co-authored over 40 books. I believe that one of his greatest insights is his understanding of how money and financial matters affects relationships. For Dr. Gottman money is more than money because money has come to in our society to represent our dreams and hopes. He points out in his writings that while money is often listed as the number one cause of divorce both the rich and the poor in the end it has very little to do with actual money itself. Instead he explains that the couples are arguing over whose dreams will be fulfilled and whose dreams will go unfulfilled. For example for a young man thinking about going to college money represents the possibility of furthering his education. For a newly married couple, money may symbolize the hope of one day owning a home, financial stability, the creating of a loving and safe environment for their future children, and or all the above.

In one of his books he writes about a couple who were heading toward divorce because they were tired of arguing over money. The husband in the situation desired to have so much money in savings and the wife desired to have a place in the country and there was no way that their incomes were going to allow the couple to accomplish both. After talking with them for a while, he helped them see that they were not really arguing about money but about their dreams. The wife wanted to be able to give their children something that she had treasured growing up because she loved going out to her parent’s place in the country and felt that it allowed her family growing up to bond better than other families she had known. The husband on the other hand desired to have a large savings account in order to end up living in a state run nursing home like his uncle. It was a fear that the husband had carried with him since he was a child and parents would force him to go with them to visit his uncle. Once each person realized what the money symbolized for them, they were not only able to compromise but they also felt better understood by their spouse and their relationship grew stronger because of it.

What does money symbolize to you? Most things that money can or we believe it can buy fall into one of two categories: Pleasure or Security. Here are list of common things that money can symbolize according to Dr. Gottman:

Here is a list of some common “deep” dreams expressed by couples I’ve worked with.
A Sense of Freedom	The Experience of Peace	Unity with Nature	Exploring Who I Am
Adventure	Justice	A Spiritual Journey	Honor
Becoming more powerful	Unity with my Past	Healing	Knowing My Family
Becoming All I Can Be	Having A Sense of Power	Dealing w/ growing older	Exploring Creative side
Getting over a personal hang-up	Becoming more competent	Asking God for Forgiveness	Exploring an old part of myself I have lost
Getting over past hurts	Having a sense of order	Being productive	place & time to just “be”
Being able to compete and win	Exploring the physical side of myself	Getting my priorities in order	Finishing something important
Quietness	Being able to just relax	Travel	Reflecting on my life
Atonement	Building something important	Ending a chapter of my life-saying good-by to something.

I am going to end today’s Spiritual Ponderings with Dr. Gottman’s tips for planning a budget.
Dr. Gottman’s Suggestions For Budgeting:
Step 1: Itemize Your current Expenditures
Step 2: Manage Everyday Finances
Step 3: Plan your financial future
1. Imagine your life 5, 10, 20, 20 30 Yrs. What would be your ideal circumstances?
2. Now list your long-term financial goals
3. Share your list with each other