Fr. Thomas M. Pastorius
January 28, 2017
Spiritual Ponderings
Pro-Life and Fear
 
Here is the second part of my homily from the Respect Life Convention.
A few years later, my own grandmother would begin to suffer more and more from dementia and Alzheimer.  It was very painful to watch this once independent woman suffer the way she did.  During this time my mother did her best to take care of her and my mother would ask me from time to time to come over and stay with her for an hour so that my mother could get out of the house . 
 
There was a large part of me that did not want to because seeing my grandmother reminded me of my fears.  My fear of being helpless, of not being in control, of being pitied, etc. and there were times that I almost told my mother “no”.  In the end, I did spend a lot of time with my grandmother and there are some moments from these visits that I treasure the most.  For example, I can remember one time we were sitting in the living room and watching television when my grandmother turned to me and asked me where my children were.  This surprised me greatly because she knew that I was a priest and that I did not have children.  I spent ten minutes trying to convince her of that fact.  In the end I just gave in and told my grandmother that my supposed children were at home with my supposed wife.  This calmed my grandmother down for about ten minutes.  She then turned to me a second time and asked me where my children were.  Not wishing to argue with her, I told her that they were at home with my wife.  She then shot me this look of disappointment and proceeded to inform me that priests should not have children.  I could not help but laugh for at this time because I could not win for losing. 
 
I chose these three stories from my life to illustrate to you that being Pro-Life for me has had nothing to do with philosophical arguments of when life begin but rather my being Pro-Life has had everything to do with overcoming fear.
 I can imagine no greater pain in life than to lose a child.  This knowledge of the pain comes from having lost my older sister when she was four and I was two and from listening to my mother pour her heart out to me in later years.   Jenna’s parents though were willing to bravely face this pain because of the love they had for their daughter.  In our world today many men and women are choosing to have an abortion because they are afraid of how a child is going to “mess up” their lives especially if this child has a developmental disorder or fatal disease.  Jenna’s parents’ brave declaration that they would be willing to do it all over again teaches us that human life is worth all the troubles it may bring because a human life is priceless.   I know Jenna’s smiles and hand holding made me and others love her instantly.  We never saw the illness but rather the precious gift that she was.  We just had to overcome our fears to get to know her.
 
Watching Ann suffer was not a pleasant experience but learning from her how to be grateful for the small things, helped me have courage to walk with her and later with my grandmother as they neared death.  Doing so, though, meant that I really had to face my own fears and not only the fear of death. 
 
Death in some sense did not scare me.  What scares me is the fear of losing control and being so vulnerable.  It takes courage to see that God can still use us in our terminal illness.  Ann courageously taught me so much and she continued to love her family with every ounce of strength she had until it was her time to go.  She bravely held nothing back from her family. 
 
Finally, when I hear people say “quality of life” in regards to euthanasia, I cannot help but think of that person as being a coward.  It is easy to blame the person with dementia for the way that we are feeling and it is much harder to look inside and see the fear of death, of not being in control , and of being vulnerable as our desires.
 
 A priest who had battled cancer for most of his life once described illness/sickness as returning to our greatest but simplest dignity – that of being a child of God.  My grandmother could not do much for herself but she still taught me a lot and brought great joy to my heart when I bravely overcame my fears and allowed myself to spend time with her. 
 
These experiences and others have allowed me to come to the conclusion that the greatest enemy in the Pro-Life movement is fear.  Perhaps this is why Gabriel when informing Mary of God’s plan for her to have a child out wedlock began with “Do not be afraid.”
 
As we leave this Mass, this convention, and enter back into the battle for life, let us remember to treat the people that we find ourselves at odds with over the issue of life not as the enemy but rather as victims of fear.  When we are on the sidewalk outside plan parenthood let us make sure to offer everyone that passes by a smile so that people everywhere will know that we care about them and want what is best for them.  When we find ourselves in a heated argument over life issues let us keep in mind our goal is not to win the argument but rather to help the person we are arguing with choose life by reminding them that we care about them also and we desire to help them face their fears. When we encounter those, who are suffering from their sins against life let us offer them not only Gods mercy but our own as well.  Finally when we see others struggling because they chose life let us assist them in their struggles – showing them gratitude for having a large family – offering support as they struggle with taking care of elderly relatives – and more.
 
Let us instead have the courage to face our fears and help others face their fears when it comes to life issues.  May we help those in crisis pregnancies, difficult pregnancies, and other situations where life is threatened to no longer be afraid.  When fear is defeated life will be victorious.