Fr. Thomas M. Pastorius September 4, 2016 Spiritual Ponderings Spiritual Randomness: 10 Best Practices For Having Children At Mass
For the month of September, I am going to tackle some random topics in my Spiritual Ponderings. I encourage you to read and pray over the thoughts I am sharing with you even if you think the topic does not apply to you because God sometimes surprises us. The first topic is children at Mass.
Recently friends of mine came up after Mass and apologized for the noise their young son was making during Mass. This surprised me because I had not noticed their child making any noise. I told them not to worry about it. The following week, I guess because I was more attuned to it, I could hear the child making a ruckus. In order to get to the restrooms in the church that I serve as pastor, parishioners have to get up and walk completely up to the front of the Church and pass within three feet of the ambo before they can make the left turn down the hallway that will eventually lead them to the bathroom. My pastoral associate, who has four children under the age of seven, calls it the “walk of shame.” We both laugh because we both know that no parent wants to walk to the bathroom that way during Mass but at the same time it seems that toddlers have a fascination with going to every different bathroom they can. I firmly believe that Jesus meant what He said: “Let the children come to me and do not prevent them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Amen, I say to you, whoever does not accept the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it.” (Luke 18:16b&17). I therefore consider it a serious sin for anybody in Church to make families with children seriously uncomfortable to the point where they will not come back with their children if at all. Instead of persecuting families with small children we should be embracing them for they are the future of the Church. Be kind therefore to them and thank them for bringing their children to Mass.
The following are ten best practices that good regularly Mass attending families have passed on to me. I offer them only as advice to make your job as parents easier and in no way as condemnation of any past efforts on your part.
1. Sit Up Front The number one piece of advice I received from parents who had small children at Mass was to tell people to sit up front. This allows the child to see what is going on and makes it easier to get them to focus on an appropriate behavior. For example one mother told me that when ever her small child (I think he is four) begins to get a little rowdy, she will start asking him questions quietly: “what color is the priest wearing?”, “what is the server doing?” etc.
2. Child Friendly Missal The second piece of advice I receive is that each child should have an age appropriate missal with lots of pictures. This allows the child to follow along and connect the actions at the altar with the pages in their book.
3. Do not reward your child for bad behavior The hardest part of being a parent, I believe is not to reward bad behavior. For example a child begins to act up at Mass, so mom or dad takes them to the cry room and lets them run around. Their bad behavior has earned them a reward: their freedom. Most parents whose children learn to behave at Mass avoid the cry room and simply go to the back of the Church. They also if possible resist the temptation to let the child down so that they can run around.
4. Understand Mass From Their Point of View Another parent told me that he tries to understand the Mass from their point of view. He figures that if he was the age of his son, he would see very little different between going to Mass and going to McDonalds. Both places have a lot of people doing things that he really cannot understand. At least at McDonalds his son would end up with a happy meal. He went onto explain that he does his best to talk about how Church is not like a McDonalds but rather is a sacred place. He points out the holy water fountains, the Stations of the Cross, giant crucifix, and the tabernacle. He feels that by helping his son discover the differences between places he is helping him to learn how to behave.
5. Don’t worry so much. God knows you have Children. He gave them to you. Anyone who thinks that children will sit still for an hour and not say a word, maybe more in need of exorcism from Jesus than the child who is running up and down on the pews. I know as a priest I do not expect children to behave 100% of the time. I do expect parents to do their best in keeping their children engaged but I know that children will be children and that means there will be times in which they will be loud and full of energy. God above all knows this, He knows everything. God is just excited that you came to the family meal as a family.