Fr. Thomas M. Pastorius March 27, 2016 Spiritual Ponderings 21 Undeniable Secrets of Marriage Part II
Last week we finished up a seven week look at Dr. Allen Hunt’s book
The 21 Undeniable Secrets of Marriage. Today, I would like to look at a tool that he offers the reader of his book to help facilitate forgiveness between husbands and wives. I believe this tool can be use to save many marriages and if modified correctly can be a good guide for anyone wishing to develop healthy relationships. Quotes from his book will be in bold and my commentary or reflections will be regular font.
As a couple, sit facing each other. Join hands. Look one another in the eye. Take turns doing the following exercise. Let the wife go first. As you look at your husband say, “Please forgive me for _______,” and then complete the sentence. Do not add an “if” or a “but.” No explanations—just a simple apology for something done or said that you regret. It is best if this is for something from the past week rather than dredging up issues from the distant past. Starting anew with a fresh breeze of grace. Husband, look at your wife, simply say, “I forgive you.” Add nothing else. Just receive her apology and offer forgiveness. Begin again. Now reverse the roles with the husband apologizing and the wife forgiving… Resist the temptation to expand the conversation in this exercise. There will be plenty of time later to have longer discussions. The goal right here and now is simply to learn to apologize and to forgive well. No more, no less.
The following is a prayer for couples that I recommend couples.
It takes three to make love, not two: you, your spouse, and God. Without God people only succeed in bringing out the worst in one another…” – Archbishop Fulton Sheen
This is a cool method for engaged and married couples to use to pray together.
1. If possible sit in a way that allows you to face each other. If possible hold hands.
2. While looking at each other the guy begins: “Dear God, I thank you for my fiancé/spouse and I am grateful for her (name 1-3 things you are grateful for). Please help me become the husband she needs me to be by giving me the grace to (name 1-3 things that you would like to improve about yourself).
3. Pause for a moment of silence. It is important at this time that the woman just to receive her fiancé/spouse’s prayer.
4. Then it is time for the woman to pray: “Dear God, I thank you for my fiancé/spouse and I am grateful for him (name 1 -3 things you are grateful for). Please help me become the wife he needs me to be by giving me the grace to (name 1-3 things that you would like to improve about yourself).
5. Pause for a moment of silence. It is important at this time for the man just to receive his fiancé/ spouse’s prayer
6. At this time allow each other to pray for other things that may be on your mind i.e. safe travel, sick relative, etc.
7. Conclude the petitions with the Our Father.
8. Recite together one of the closing prayers
Closing Prayer 1 (If Married):
O God, who in creating the human race willed that man and wife should be one and have joined us, your servants, in a bond of inseparable love and have united us in the covenant of marriage, help us to make our love fruitful so that we may become by your grace witness of charity itself. We ask this through our Lord Jesus Christ, you Son, who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God forever and ever. Amen
Closing Prayer 2 (If Engaged):
Please be attentive to our prayers, O Lord and in your kindness pour out your grace on us your servants. As we prepare to come before your altar together and to be united by you in an unbreakable bond of love and peace, please confirm us in love for one another and for you. We ask through our Lord Jesus Christ, Your Son, who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, forever and ever.
Amen