Fr. Thomas M. Pastorius
January 3, 2016
Spiritual Ponderings
Loving The Church

About once a year, I take the time to host what I call a “teaching Mass” in which instead of celebrating Mass, I go through and explain the different parts of the Mass. At the end of the night, I always host an open forum in which people can ask any question they wish. At my last teaching Mass, one of the people in attendance began to talk about his hopes that Pope Francis would change a lot of things. I challenged the man to love the Church we have and not the one that he hoped for. I went on to explain to him that staying in the Church hoping that the Church would change was like a husband who promised to love his wife only after she lost twenty pounds. Ever since then my heart has been wrestling with the idea of “loving the Church, I have,” and how could I do this better? To answer that question, I decided to reflect on the advice that I give engaged couples as I prepare them for marriage and I came up with 10 ways in which we can love the Church we are in.

1. Positive Sentiment Override
At my first parish there was a person on the staff that actually drove me crazy. Her theology was so completely opposite of mine that I wondered how she could call herself Catholic. It infuriated me that the pastor would not fire her and whenever we were assigned to work together, we did nothing but bump heads. Knowing that Jesus teaches us to love our enemies, I started trying positive sentiment override. Fifteen minutes before I would meet with her, I stopped and I said a prayer, in which I thanked God for three good qualities in her, I discovered overtime, that I began to treat her better and we were able to work better together. I have discovered when I find my patience being tested by the Church in one way or the other that all I have to do is to think about the Church’s positive qualities and I fall in love with her all over again.

Here are three positive qualities about the Church to get you started.
1. The Catholic Church is the only Church that can trace its roots all the way back to the apostles and the only one that Christ promised would not be wrong in matters of faith and morals.

2. The Catholic Church is the largest charitable organization in the world helping people everywhere no matter what their race or nationality is.

3. The Catholic Church has the Sacraments especially the Eucharist.

2. Criticism Verses Complaining
Many relationship counselors write that it is alright to complain about problems, but one should avoid criticizing their partner at all cost. Complaining to them is grumbling about how an event or action that affected you in a negative way and criticizing goes beyond that to attack the human nature of his or her spouse. I have discovered personally it is better for me to complain sometimes about the Church than to hold it in. While complaining though, I strive hard to avoid criticizing the Church (attacking her human and divine nature) realizing at the same time that Jesus often found himself frustrated with His apostles.

Cardinal Francis Xavier Nguyen Van Thuan, a Vietnamese bishop who was held in prison and tortured for his faith wrote this in his book called: The Road of Hope: A Gospel from Prison: “A person who really loves the Church does not seek to destroy it.” He went on to write: “During the last two thousand years, the Church has been betrayed by apostles, popes, cardinals, bishops, priests, religious, and lay people in extraordinary ways which Paul VI called “self-destruction.” However, after each of these upheavals, the Church has renewed itself and become ever more fresh and brilliant and strong. The Church continues to live the mystery of the passion and resurrection.”

Psychologists and counselors talk sometimes about the fundamental attribution error. This is where we human beings tend to attribute more ill will and intention to someone else than to ourselves. If a person cuts us off in traffic it is because he is a jerk. If we cut someone off it was accident or it was necessary. Most of the time, when we get hurt by others there is no premeditation involved. Most bad things happen out of neglect than malice/ill will.