Fr. Thomas M. Pastorius
August 16, 2015
Spiritual Ponderings
Helping Fallen Away Catholics

Sr. Theresa Aletheia Nobel FSP book: The Prodigal You Love: Inviting Love Ones Back to the Church. Quotes from her book will be in bold and my commentary will be in regular font.

Too often when interacting with our loved ones, we simply adopt ways we are comfortable with rather than ways that are actually most helpful. Two common approaches can be found among friends and family of fallen away Catholics. On the one hand, some people say very little. Although they hope their loved one will return to the Church they never say anything to indicate they are even aware the person no longer attends Mass. On the other hand, however, some people say too much, too often, and too harshly. Their aggressive style of communication can cause rifts in relationships or, at best, lead to tension-filled encounters with those they love.
Our friends and family members are not likely to come back to the Church if we never express our desire for them to return, but if we express our desire in a way that turns them off, chances are they will not return either.
As mentioned in a previous Spiritual Ponderings, it is important to remember that the virtue is in the middle of two vices. We are sometimes called to stretch ourselves and make ourselves uncomfortable in order to provide an open and welcoming environment that will foster the other person’s openness. Sometimes it is also important to realize that not everything has to be done at once. Sometimes you are called to just plant the seeds of a return to the Church, or you may be called to nurture the seed. Once again trust in God is all important here.

As you may know, tax collectors in the time of Jesus were social pariahs. They were in collaboration with Gentile Roman occupiers and were known to exact more than was required. Their very work was considered sinful, making tax collectors immoral and unclean in the eyes of the people. For this reason, they were often ostracized from the Jewish community. Yet, Jesus ate at the home the tax collector Matthew. And Scripture tells us that “many tax collectors and sinners came and were sitting with him and his disciples” (Mt9:10). Note that Jesus did not go and sit with sinners, but they “came and sat” with him. That they would dare to sit at the table of a virtuous Jew demonstrated the radical acceptance that Jesus must have shown them. They could sense that Jesus accepted and affirmed who they were and who they could be, unlike the self-righteous people who disdained them and avoided their company.
Jesus is of course our role model. His mission was to bring back the lost children of Israel. When trying to invite someone back to the Church you can begin by asking this simple question “What would Jesus do?” Another way of looking at it may be to see that the person who has fallen away from the faith has a lot of growing up to do. They have to learn that God does not want us to go to Mass on Sunday so that He can entertain us, they have to learn that true happiness comes from serving others, and much more. The best environment for them to grow is an environment in which family and friends support them instead of spending their time condemning them.

What did these sinners experience at the Lord’s table? It is unlikely that Jesus spent mealtimes focusing on his companions’ sin. Rather, sinners, most likely wanted to be in his company because they could recognize someone who loved them. Jesus did not judge them, yet at the same time he effectively urged people to change their behaviors through genuine love and respect for their human dignity.
Would you stay at a house where people were pointing out your faults all the time? I know that I would not. Yes, it is important for a person to face one’s sins and to ask God for forgiveness but that is stage two. People are like turtles in the sense that they will only come out of their hard protective shell when they feel safe. Overtime Jesus’ love and respect elicited change in those who followed him: Mathew, Zacchaeus, and Mary Magdalene to name but three examples from Scripture.

God’s love has no limits or conditions. The First Letter of John tells us that “we love because he first loved us” (1 Jn4:19). In other words, God‘s love precedes our love. We do not have to love God in order for him to love us. He loves us before we even have the chance to reject is his love. He loves and then invites us to experience his love. For a person away from the Church, God’s unconditional love is a very important reality to understand. By modeling this love, we can help others to understand the nature of God. God doesn’t love us on the condition that we love him or that we stop sinning. His love has no contingencies, qualifications, or contracts. God loves us now, as we are. We do not have to change before God loves us, and it is precisely this kind of love that does change us.