Fr. Thomas M. Pastorius
August 9, 2015
Spiritual Ponderings
Helping Fallen Away Catholics

One of the great concerns that unite most Catholics is a deep apprehension over the number of relatives and friends who have wandered, fallen, or just plain left the Catholic Church. I recently had the privilege of reading Sr. Theresa Aletheia Nobel FSP book: The Prodigal You Love: Inviting Love Ones Back to the Church. In her book Sr. Theresa shares with her readers her experience of going from being a cradle Catholic to a fallen away Catholic and finally finding her way back to the Catholic Church. Quotes from her book will be in bold and my commentary will be in regular font.

We all have moments when we feel a nudge from the Holy Spirit. But often we want to push it away because, frankly, we desire to control our own lives and are afraid to take risks we have not initiated ourselves.
The virtue is always in the middle of two vices. If we constantly invite a love one back to the Church that can be considered “hounding” and this may result in a defense position in the other person that is counterproductive to your desire to bring them back to the Church. On the other hand if you never invite a person back then they could think that your faith is really not that important to you and thus wonder why it should be important to them. From time to time though God will provide opportunities to invite people back to the Church; one must be open to the Holy Spirit so that you can be ready to seize these moments.

But it is important to understand and respect that people who no longer believe in God or have left the Church are in a delicate spiritual position, often with serious wounds at the source of their feeling about God. Even if the person we are concerned about is a close family member or our own child, we cannot assume we know what a person needs. Only the Holy Spirit knows and fully understands the hearts of our loved ones.
Often the issue is not the issue but rather “a safe statement” that the person feels they can tell everyone as the reason for them leaving the Church. Sometime the issues that caused them to leave the Church is much lighter (they simply got busy and Church stopped being a priority for them) on the other hand it could be that the issue are much deeper (may be they were hurt by someone in authority in the Church). We must be really careful when inviting someone back. Our role model for inviting people back to the faith should be the Father in the story of the Prodigal Son. As our love one returns to the Church we want to be the one that embraces them and let them know how much God loves them. Imagine though how different the story of the Prodigal Son would be if instead of the loving Father the younger son ran into the judgmental older brother on his way home.

The fruit of our actions often show us whether or not we are walking the path of inspiration. It may be helpful to note that the affirmation of the Holy Spirit is not to be confused with our own self-congratulatory feeling of smugness and self-righteousness when we choose to say something harsh without the Holy Spirit’s inspiration.
Take time to reflect on your behavior around someone you wish to bring back to the Church. Are your actions bringing them back and pushing them further away? If we are becoming an obstacle to a person coming back to the Church then we need to change the way we act.

A sense of urgency is perhaps one of the most common emotions, and potentially the most damaging, that can negatively impact our interactions with loved ones. If we feel an urgent need to say something to someone as soon as possible, this is usually a sign that we are not in a good place emotionally. Of course, it is beautiful to feel a strong desire to bring someone back to communion with God in the Church. However, when this holy sense of imperative develops an unholy sense of fear and urgency, it will most likely cause us to do and say things that will be ineffective and most likely cause us to do and say things that will be ineffective and hurtful.
I have discovered in my life anytime I act out of a sense of fear that 99% if not 100% of the time, I will end up sinning. Faith is all about trusting in God and therefore there should be no fear. Adam and Eve sinned because of fear that God was not going to do what was best for them. If they would have trusted in God then they would not have disobeyed God. When you feel a sense of urgency take time to pray for guidance.

It always makes sense to pause and take time to be sure our actions our founded in and inspired by the love of God.
In other words we should always pray before we act. Open your heart to God and honestly examen your reasoning behind the action that you desire to take. God is a friend who will not steer us wrong. He is truly the Father who knows what is best.