Fr. Thomas M. Pastorius March 13, 2015 Spiritual Ponderings 21 Undeniable Secrets of Marriage Part II
Most of us can be better at creating healthy relationships. Dr. Allen Hunt’s book
The 21 Undeniable Secrets of Marriage can be a good guide for anyone wishing to develop healthy relationships but especially those desiring a happy and healthy marriage. Quotes from his book will be in bold and my commentary or reflections will be regular font.
15. The Secret of Women: Be A Woman: your husband needs that.
“No matter how much our culture tries to make women into men, and tells us women that we can do it all, there are still times when a woman needs a man to be a man. To carry the load. To be the heavy with the kids. To stand up.” – Anita Hunt. Here is another personal pet peeve of mine. I hate it when people wish me “Happy Father’s Day” on Father’s Day because I know that while I am a spiritual father, Hallmark (or whoever made up the holiday) did not intend to celebrate spiritual fathers on Father’s Day. I know that there are many similarities between my spiritual fatherhood and the regular fatherhood my brothers live out and both should be celebrated. We should take time though to celebrate what is good in each. I bring this up because I think sometimes we try to down play the difference in gender instead of celebrating them. We are all equal but we are all different. We as Catholic believe in a Trinity, three equal persons but different.
Men and women are not the same; High school biology makes that plain. Of Course men and women are equal; we’re all made in the image of god. However equal does not mean same. We were made for each other, not like each other. God made men and women to be much the same, yet significantly and wonderfully different. Women cannot be equal to men if men are not willing to step up and be the fathers that God is calling them to be. Women cannot be equal to men if they have to deny a major part of who they are through contraception in order to keep up with men.
16. The Secret of Men: Be a man, your wife needs that.
In all our efforts to make men and women the same, we have forgotten how men and women are designed to complement each other. Men normally bring three P’s to a relationship (protect, provide, and push) and women normally bring the three N’s to a relationship nourish; nurture, and nest (provide order). Can families survive without a mother or a father? Yes, but these should be the exceptions that make us appreciate the role of mother and father all the more.
17. The Secret of Sacrifice: Sacrifice is usually difficult and irksome: do it anyway.
Love is best expressed in sacrifice. If you are not willing to sacrifice for a person then you really do not love that person.
18. The Secret of Children: Love, in its very nature gives and creates
Saint Augustine said children were one of the three goods (or blessings) of marriage, right alongside the blessing of fidelity and the beauty of the unbreakable bond. How could it be otherwise? How does God show His love? By crating the universe and by creating new life. The Holy Spirit is the Lord, the Giver of Life. The love of God creates new life. So too will love in a marriage produce new life. This is the secret of children. Our world teaches us that we should see children as an economic agent good or bad. God and the Bible see children always as a gift and a blessing.
Creating new life is just a natural out flowing of love. Love gives, love creates, love welcomes, love nurtures, and love nourishes new life.