Fr. Thomas M. Pastorius June 26, 2016 Spiritual Ponderings Thoughts on Annulments
I hope that you have found this series on ponderings on annulment has been helpful and insightful. As I was sitting down to write this last spiritual pondering, I find myself still amazed at some of the wisdom buried in the annulment process and I can see how for some it can be a healing journey. I want to make clear that just because I think can be a healing journey that does not mean I think it is an easy journey. Like Bartimaeus, a person must be willing to throw away his old way of living (symbolized in the story of Bartimaeus by Bartimaeus throwing away his cloak) and sometimes we have to like Zacchaeus play the part of the fool (symbolized by the old man climbing a tree in order to see Jesus pass by). All I can say to this is that I know the person I am now (after my treatment for depression) is much better than my life before I faced my need for healing. Secondly it seems to me that I have run into many people who can say the same about their entering into the annulment process.
8. Remember the Goal is the Truth I have been with friends who have gone through the annulment process only to receive the answer from the Church court that their previous marriage was still valid. This was obviously not the answer that they wanted to hear. It is important to remember that this not necessary the end of story because the Church truly wants to discover the truth of the situation to the best of its ability and therefore allows the person applying for annulment to apply for another annulment under different grounds. Thomas Edison who tried invented the light bulb had tried over 100 different filaments before finding the right one. He did not see his past failures as mistakes but rather as steps forward toward the invention of his dream.
The amount of money one pays does not determine the outcome of the annulment case. If the Church had her way there would be no charge for an annulment. Unfortunately the process requires professionals in church law and secretarial staffs etc. and these people (especially the lay people) have a right also to a decent wage. The Church does keep down the cost of the proceedings to the bare minimum by using volunteers (who are trained as well but volunteer their time) to help with some of the proceedings. In addition the Church often uses a sliding scale when it comes to charging its fees. I am pretty confident that no one had ever been denied an annulment because of a lack of payment.
9. Divorced Catholics are Not Bad Catholics Every once in a while, I will hear a story on the news about a piece of movie memorabilia being auctioned off and I am almost always surprised at the price the item catches. It is further proof to me that human beings have a strange way of placing a value on things and people. We often judge things based on whether they will help us achieve something (utilitarian) and how perfect they are (mint condition). Our judgments are often changeable/flexible etc. The value that God places on something does not fluctuate. He loves us unconditionally. We are always valued by God.
God’s true power/love often manifests itself the most when I realize that God still loves me despite my imperfections.
10. Forgiveness Does Not Mean Acquitting One of the biggest obstacles, I find in people’s lives in regards to healing is the mistake of confusing acquitting and forgiveness. Acquitting means that we say the person is innocent because he or she did not commit a crime. Forgiveness on the other hand acknowledges the action that wounded us and instead of revenge we return mercy.
A person going through an annulment prayerfully I think will discover it easier to take ownership of his or her part of the divorce and thus find it easier to forgive him or herself and move on. The person going through an annulment will also begin to see the more that they focus on getting revenge on their spouse the more they are drinking a poison hoping their spouse would die. Sometimes the person learns that they must forgive themselves.
I know that when I was going through treatment for depression this was one of the big things I had to learn. If you find yourself still wanting to punish your ex-spouse or yourself you might need to talk to a professional about it. In the end I came to realize the angrier I got at them the more I was hurting myself and the less it bothered them.