Fr. Thomas M. Pastorius
May 10, 2015
Spiritual Ponderings
IPod Theology
Diamond Rings and Old Bar Stools

I would like to start today’s spiritual pondering by recalling the quote from Maria von Trapp: “Music acts like a magic key, to which the most tightly closed heart opens.”As we listen to the music it is important to be aware of which doors of our heart are being opened and which ones are being closed. Sometimes music can open doors that help us become the people God intended us to be but sometimes music through its lyrics in particular can open doors that lead us into temptation and if we are not careful into sin.

"Diamond Rings And Old Barstools" by Tim McGraw (with Catherine Dunn)
Tim McGraw has been one of my favorite country music stars dating all the way back into high school. In addition to his music, I have been impressed by the fact that he has been faithfully married to Faith Hill since October 1996. His latest song is called “Diamond Rings and Old Barstools” and has at its plot the woes of a man who has discovered that spending all his time at the local bar has now cost him his wife.

The man has began to realize that his failure to sacrifice (give up drinking or at least hanging out at the bar because his wife wanted him too) has cost him marriage. He goes on to sing about how sometimes in life can go together and sometimes “don’t mix like you hope.”

Marriage is more than just two people moving in together. Marriage requires sacrifices on the part of both spouses. Dr. Gottman goes on to point out: “One of the saddest reasons a marriage dies is that neither spouse recognizes its value until it is too late. Only after the papers have been signed, the furniture divided, and separate apartments rented to the execs realize how much they really gave up when they gave up on each other. Too often a good marriage is taken for granted rather than given the nurturing and respect it deserves and desperately needs.”

Scott Hahn points out that marriage can be great: “since marriage is a sacrament, we receive power to grow in holiness even through the most mundane activities we do each day.”

Often when talking to people about negativity and impatience with their family, I like to talk to them about the phrase “Familiarity breathes contempt.” The basic idea behind this phrase is that the longer we have something or know about something the less special it becomes. It is therefore important to remind ourselves that our family is a gift from God. I do this by taking the time in prayer and thanking God for each person in my family and for two or three qualities in each family member that I really appreciate. This helps me to realize how blest I am to have them as a part of my family and to put up with their negative traits.

I would like to finish with a reflection on the following insight from Dr. Gottman about marriage and how it relates to Tim McGraw’s song. “Some people leave a marriage literally, by divorcing. Others do so by leading parallel lives together. Whichever the route, there are four final stages that signal the death knell of a relationship.
1. You see your marital problems as severe.
2. Talking things over seems useless. You try to solve problems on your own.
3. You start leading parallel lives.
4. Loneliness sets in”

It seems that the man in the song has started to live a parallel life with his wife for he is in the bar not dealing with his problems but rather trying to drink them away. We can only imagine what his spouse is doing but in some sense it does not matter for the only person that he can change is himself. He needs to wake up and see the need to fight for his marriage and he has to be able to see spending time with his wife is more valuable than spending time lost in his drink or hanging out with his friends.