Marriage
01-08

(*) Items not included unless their is a Mass with the Rite of Marriage.

1.1 Entrance Procession*
A procession is really nothing more than a solemn parade. Both parades and processions are meant to draw attention to a significant event. Our entrance procession at a wedding is to remind us that what we are celebrating is a joyous but also solemn occasion.

1.2 Wedding Party*
The tradition of the wedding party started with the idea that there were evil spirits lurking around desiring to ruin the bride and groom’s big day. By dressing up and standing next to the soon to be married couple the bridal party served as spiritual body guards.

1.3 Bridal Entrance*
I am not sure much about the tradition behind the bridal entrance. I am sure that somewhere in all the theology and tradition the bridal entrance should remind us all that love is not a feeling but rather making oneself a self gift.

2.1 Introductory Rite*
What we are about to participate in is something that is so special that it has its own “rite” or ritual to it! What we are about to do is not something that someone just came up with five minutes ago.

2.2 Sign of the Cross*
Catholics begin the liturgy with the Sign of the Cross to demonstrate that we believe in the Trinity One God in Three Persons (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit) and at the same time we declare that the Cross of Jesus Christ saved us. In some ways it is reminds us that we are all part of the same family: God’s family.

2.3 Lord Be with You*
This is another reminder to us that what we are about to witness can only come about through God’s blessing. We acknowledge the fact that God is present and that it is God that has drawn this couple together.

2.4 Greeting*
The priest or deacon may say a few words about the importance of the events that we about to watch.

2.5 Gloria*
The song of the angels at Christmas reminds us that God is about to manifest His love in a real way by binding the couple and turning them into the husband and wife.

2.6 Opening Prayer*
We invoke God’s blessings upon the wedding and especially upon the couple who are about to be married.

3.1 Liturgy of Word*
We now listen to the forming Word of God. As God spoke into the chaos and created the world, He now speaks into the Chaos of our lives and creates meaning.

3.2 First Reading*
Normally a reading from the Old Testament chosen by the bride and groom that helps them and us to understand a little better about the great mystery we are about to celebrate.

3.3 Responsorial Psalm *
The responsorial psalm is taken from the Old Testament Book of Psalms. What is really special about the psalms is that these would have been the exact same prayers that Jesus prayed and sang.

3.4 Second Reading *
Normally a reading from the New Testament chosen by the bride and groom that helps them and us to understand a little better about the great mystery we are about to celebrate.

3.5 Gospel Acclamation*
A short song normally including the word “Alleluia” that reminds us of the importance of the Gospel

3.6 Gospel*
The Gospel is a story about the Life Of Christ and His teaching that speaks to us about the importance of the Sacrament of Marriage and of God’s love for us.

3.7 Homily*
The priest or deacon tries to inspire the soon to be married couple to live the best life as possible.

4.1 Rite of Marriage*
Marriage as a Sacrament has its own form in order to assure its validity. This form includes the exchange of consent before the Church’s minister and at least two witnesses.

4.2 Exchange of Consent *
Couples must agree to enter into marriage by consenting to what the Church means by marriage. This means that they are entering into a marriage that demands total faithfulness to one’s spouse and the openness to children to death due them part.

4.3 Exchange of Vows*
The exchange of vows is the couples chance to publicly declared their commitment to each other and the high ideal of marriage.

4.4 Exchange of Rings*
The exchange of rings reminds the couple that they are not connected in a new way.

4.5 Unity Candle* Optional
The unity candle is an optional part of the ceremony and was created by soap operas in order to demonstrate the couple’s commitment to each other without being able to demonstrate the soap opera character’s faith.

4.6 Prayers of the Faithful *
We demonstrate our trust in our heavenly Father’s love and care for us by asking Him for the things that we think we need.

5.1 Presentation of Gifts
The gifts of bread and wine are brought forward as they symbolize our hope and dreams.

5.2 Prayer over the Gifts
The priest says a few short prayers over the bread and wine (which are normally not heard because of the offertory song.) The priest then mixes a little bit of water with wine to symbolize Jesus’ humanity and divinity and to remind us that blood and water flowed from his side at Calvary.

5.3 Preface
This prayer begins with the dialogue between priests and congregation: “Lord be with you” – “And also with you”, “Lift up your hearts” – “We lift them up to the Lord”, and “It is right to give him thanks and praise.” The next part of the prayer states why we should give thanks to God and it can vary from Mass to Mass.

5.4 Holy, Holy, Holy
This song comes from the Book of the Prophet Isaiah in the Old Testament. It reminds us that God is “holy” or totally other. If we are good then God is infinitely greater than good. He is holy. It is His power, which is more than we can ever imagine, that will change our gifts of bread and wine to the Body and Blood of Christ.

5.5 Eucharistic Prayer
The part that follows the Holy Holy is known as the Eucharistic Prayer. Through this prayer the bread and wine will become the Body and Blood of Christ. Through receiving the Body and Blood of Christ we will become more like Christ Himself.

5.6 Our Father*
The Lord’s Prayer or Our Father is recited by all present to not only pray as Jesus taught us to but also remind us and allow us to celebrate our adoption by God into His family.

5.7 Nuptial Blessing*
The nuptial blessing is a special blessing parted by the deacon or priest upon the couple as a part of the marriage rite.

5.8 Sign of Peace*
Before receiving communion we are asked to live out the Our Father by forgiving those who have trespassed against us. We show our willingness to forgive who ever it may be by offering a sign of peace to those around us. In a very real way the people around us become living symbols of those people who have wronged us. It may be impractical to stop everything at that moment and go and call someone who lives three states away to forgive them and get back in time to receive communion. The sign of peace then becomes an oath that we will go forth from the service and forgive that person.

5.9 Flowers to Parents*
Newly married couple has the option of offering flowers to their parents during the sign of peace in order to show love and respect for their parents.

5.10 Lamb of God
We are reminded that Jesus is the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world while the priest breaks the consecrated host into smaller pieces. It is a symbolic gesture reminding us that we are partaking of the one body of Christ. This symbolize is enriched by the action of the priest when he drops a small piece of the consecrated host into the chalice. This gesture symbolizes that all the Masses in the world are united together through the local bishop who is the head shepherd of the diocese and is united with all bishops through his union with the pope.

5.11 Communion
People come forward toward the altar in a procession to receive Jesus Christ’s body and blood soul and divinity. Jesus’ presence in the Eucharist is a gift is symbolized by the fact that members of the congregation must receive the Eucharist from a priest, deacon, or another designated minister. When the minister says “Body of Christ” or “Blood of Christ” the person responds with “Amen”. Once again Amen means, “I believe.” The Catholic Church’s teaching called concomitance states that a person receives the full body and blood/ soul and divinity of Jesus Christ when they receive either the smallest piece of consecrated host or the smallest drop of consecrated wine. This is because Jesus’ resurrected body is not confined to space and time like ours.

5.12 Flowers to Mary* Optional
Couples can present flowers to the Blessed Virgin Mary asking her to bless their marriage as she asked Jesus to bless the couple’s marriage at Cana

6.1 Concluding Rite*
We now come to the end of our celebration.

6.2 Closing Prayer*
The final prayer of the Mass is another collect. This prayer once again collects all the prayers of the Mass and makes them one unified prayer that is offered to God the Father through Jesus by the power of the Holy Spirit.

6.3 Blessing *
The priest or deacon gives everyone one last blessing.

6.4 Dismissal*
We are now sent forth to serve the world.

6.5 Closing Processional *
Everyone goes forth to get photos taken and to continue the celebration.

1. The Catholic Church takes wedding vows seriously. They are not just figures of speech so when a couple says that they promise to be true to their spouse in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health and that they will love their spouse, and honor their spouse, all the days of their life they better mean it.

2. An annulment is not a “Catholic divorce”. A divorce says that you were once married and now you are not. Catholic believe that all valid marriages cannot be ended (remember the wedding vows).

3. An annulment or more precisely a “decree of nullity” says that even though the marriage looked to be good that it was actually false. Here is a non-marriage example of an annulment. If you buy a car from a friend and later discover that the car had been stolen, you discover that you did not actually buy the car because something (your friend did not own the car) went wrong before the sale of the car. This is different than if you buy a car from your friend and someone steals it. The car still remains yours because you legally purchased it. You may be able to drive a stolen car for years without being caught and all the time think it was yours but once it is discovered to be stolen it is no longer yours.

4. Here is an example I use with engaged couples. If the bride hides the fact that she is alcoholic from the groom and later he discovers that she is an alcoholic he may have grounds for an annulment because she kept a crucial part of who she was hidden from him. It might be said that “he did not sign-up to marry an alcoholic.” On the other hand if there is no drinking problem before the marriage starts and the bride develops it then there is no grounds for an annulment.

5. What would marriage be if everyone could walk away from their commitment to each other when the going gets tough? The going always gets tough at some point in each marriage.

6. What are some grounds for an annulment? Here are a few common grounds for annulments. Please note that I am not a canon lawyer and thus I cannot claim to be an expert in Canon law.
a. A lack of freedom. One cannot enter into marriage if he or she is being blacked mail or is under the influence of drugs and alcohol.
b. A pre-existing severe mental or physical condition that is kept hidden from the other spouse.
c. Lying while pronouncing one’s wedding vows for example if a person married a spouse only for money, social status, security, etc, and not out of desire to enter into a married relationship.
d. Lack of Form. Two Catholic people who go to Vegas and get married are not really married in the eyes of the Church because they lacked form: a minister, two witnesses, and approved wedding vows.

7. There is fee for Annulments but this fee is to help the Church pay for the legal professionals and secretaries who work in the Marriage Tribunal. The fee in no ways determines the outcome of the annulment

8. Best way to get started in annulment is talk to your parish priest.

In the middle ages the local monastery was often the center of a town not only for the religious life of a community but because the monks often produced things such as bricks, food, and alcohol products which the monks sold to support their life of prayer. The monks put such care into the production of their products especially in regards to their production of beer and wine that often a monastery’s reputation depended upon the quality of the beer and wine they produced

There was a monastery though that no matter how hard they worked the wine they produced was horrible. It was not that the monks were not holy and thus dedicated to their work but instead it was that the water in the region was filled with sentiments that hampered the production process. The grapes in the area were not of the highest quality either so no matter what the monks did the wine still tasted horrible.

One day a monk took a couple of bottles of wine and ejected yeast into the bottle. He shook it up and popped the cork. He repeated the process over and over. The monk soon discovered that the injection of yeast and the subsequent discharge from the wine bottle after popping the cork removed the sentiment from the wine and thus he created a great tasting wine.

The wine was named after the region of France where the monastery was located and so Champagne was invented and the very best champagne was named after the monk Don Perignon.

Some people say good love is like a fine wine in that it keeps getting better as the days go by and this is what we celebrate on a couple’s wedding day.

We celebrate the love that the bride and groom have for each other has reached a new level. This is demonstrated by the fact that they are willing to stand before God, family, and friends to make certain promises.

They promise to give their very being to his or her spouse in marriage. Marriage is the closest and most intimate of human friendships. It involves the sharing of one whole self with your spouse. Marriage calls for a mutual self-surrender so intimate and complete that the bride and groom will become “one.”

They promise to be faithful to their spouse till death do them part. Because marriage is a mutual gift of self to one’s spouse, this intimate union excludes such union with anyone else. It demands the total fidelity to one’s spouse. This exclusivity is essential for the good of any marriage.

They promise to love their spouse as Christ loves the Church and because of this marriage is indissoluble. The bride and groom are not being joined to each other by passing emotions or mere erotic inclination, which, if selfishly pursued, fade quickly away. They are being joined by God and through their own firm and irrevocable free act of consent in an unbreakable bond of love.

Love as we all know though is not some magical thing but rather something that is developed over time and will require both the bride and groom to work hard to keep it flowing in their life as husband and wife.

It is therefore important for the couple to always remember who they are and where they have come from. Each bride and groom knows that they are not perfect. Like the grapes and water in the story about champagne they both come with certain shortcomings because they are both human beings.

Each future spouse should also be aware of the shortcomings in their future spouse and in a deep sense it is these shortcomings that have called them to each other and to this point so that they may complete each other and become one. Please always keep this in mind and remember that together there are no problems in life that a married couple will not be able to overcome. When a couple is married they are no longer alone in this world. From now on they are equal partners with their spouse and together with God they will be able to face any challenge that comes your way.

In order to reach the full flavor of a great love God injects yeast into life of married couples. Married individuals should always take time to be caught up in the yeast of family. As a married couple they will need time alone to develop their love but it is important for them to remember that they have both come from families who have done their best to nurture them. Remain close to them and never isolate yourself from their love.

There is no rulebook for marriage. No matter how much advice a couple receive some things in marriage must be experienced. Remember that married couples are not alone in these first time experiences for God has given them many good friends to accompany them along the way. Married couples should stay close to the friends who build them up and share their experiences together. They will find life is much sweeter when shared with friends.

From time to time married couples will find their relationship under pressure like the wine injected with yeast before the cork is popped. There will be times of trial and sufferings and these will be the times when their love and marriage will be tested. On those days married couples should look upon their wedding day and see all the support they have from God, the Church, family and friends and know together that they will be able to overcome any obstacle and their marriage will grow stronger because of the pressure.

My last piece guidance to married couples is that they should celebrate together. For just as champagne is only a liquid in a pretty bottle until the bottle is uncorked so spouses need to celebrate their marriage and love by celebrating life. Remember nothing is too small to celebrate.

May God always be with each married couple, May their family and friends always surround them, and may they celebrate life to the fullest by truly loving each other.

The following comes from Christopher West’s book: The Good News about Sex and Marriage.

Marriage is the intimate, exclusive, indissoluble communion of life and love entered by man and woman at the design of the creator for the purposes of their own good, and the procreation and education of children; this covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament.

Intimate communion of love and love. Marriage is the closest and most intimate of human friendships. It involves the sharing of the whole of a person’s life with his or her spouse. Marriage calls for a mutual self-surrender so intimate and complete that the two spouses become “one.”

Exclusive. As a mutual gift of two persons to each other, this intimate union excludes such union with anyone else. It demands the total fidelity of the spouses. This exclusivity is essential for the good of the couple’s children as well.

Indissoluble. Husband and wife are not joined by passing emotions or mere erotic inclination, which, selfishly pursued, fade quickly away. They’re joined by God in an unbreakable bond of love through the firm and irrevocable act of their own consent…

Entered by man and woman. The complementarily of the sexes is essential to marriage. There is such widespread confusion today about the nature of marriage that some would wish to extend a legal “right” to marry to two persons of the same sex. But the very nature of marriage makes such a proposition impossible.

At the design of the Creator. God is the Author of marriage. He inscribed the call to marriage in our very being by creating us as male and female. Marriage is governed by his laws, faithfully transmitted by his Bride, the Church. For marriage to be what it’s intended to be, it must conform to these laws. Human beings, therefore, are not free to change the meaning and purpose of marriage.

For the purpose of their own good. “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Gn 2:18). Thus, it’s for their own good. For their benefit, enrichment, and ultimately their salvation, that a man and woman join their lives in the covenant of marriage. Marriage is the most basic (but not the only) expression of the vocation to love that all men and women have as persons made in God’s image.

And the procreation and education of children. The fathers of Vatican II declared: “By their very nature, the institution of marriage itself and conjugal love are ordained for the procreation and education of children and find in them their ultimate crown.” Children are not added on to the marriage and conjugal love, but spring from the very heart of the spouses’ mutual self-giving as its fruit and fulfillment. Intentional exclusion of children, then, contradicts the very nature and purpose of marriage.

“It takes three to make love, not two: you, your spouse, and God. Without God people only succeed in bringing out the worst in one another…” – Archbishop Fulton Sheen

This is a cool method for engaged and married couples to use to pray together.

1. If possible sit in a way that allows you to face each other. If possible hold hands.

2. While looking at each other the guy begins: “Dear God, I thank you for my fiancé/spouse and I am grateful for her (name 1-3 things you are grateful for). Please help me become the husband she needs me to be by giving me the grace to (name 1-3 things that you would like to improve about yourself).

3. Pause for a moment of silence. It is important at this time that the woman just to receive her fiancé/spouse’s prayer.

4. Then it is time for the woman to pray: “Dear God, I thank you for my fiancé/spouse and I am grateful for him (name 1-3 things you are grateful for). Please help me become the wife he needs me to be by giving me the grace to (name 1-3 things that you would like to improve about yourself).

5. Pause for a moment of silence. It is important at this time for the man just to receive his fiancé/ spouse’s prayer

6. At this time allow each other to pray for other things that may be on your mind i.e. safe travel, sick relative, etc.

7. Conclude the petitions with the Our Father.

8. Conclude your prayer time in one of the following ways…
Option 1.
Read the following passage from Tobit 8:4-8:
When Sarah’s parents left the bedroom and closed the door behind them, Tobiah rose from bed and said to his wife, “My sister, come, let us pray and beg our Lord to grant us mercy and protection.” She got up, and they started to pray and beg that they might be protected. He began with these words: “Blessed are you, O God of our ancestors; blessed be your name forever and ever! Let the heavens and all your creation bless you forever. You made Adam, and you made his wife Eve to be his helper and support; and from these two the human race has come. You said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone; let us make him a helper like himself.’ Now, not with lust, but with fidelity I take this kinswoman as my wife. Send down your mercy on me and on her, and grant that we may grow old together. Bless us with children.” They said together, “Amen, amen!”

Option 2.
Read 1 Corinthians 12:31-13:8a:
Strive eagerly for the greatest spiritual gifts. But I shall show you a still more excellent way. If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, (love) is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

9. Recite together one of the closing prayers
Closing Prayer 1 (If Married):
O God, who in creating the human race willed that man and wife should be one and have joined us, your servants, in a bond of inseparable love and have united us in the covenant of marriage, help us to make our love fruitful so that we may become by your grace witness of charity itself. We ask this through our Lord Jesus Christ, you Son, who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God forever and ever. Amen

Closing Prayer 2 (If Engaged):
Please be attentive to our prayers, O Lord and in your kindness pour out your grace on us your servants. As we prepare to come before your altar together and to be united by you in an unbreakable bond of love and peace, please confirm us in love for one another and for you. We ask through our Lord Jesus Christ, Your Son, who lives and reigns with you in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, forever and ever.
Amen

One of the saddest reasons a marriage dies is that neither spouse recognizes its value until it is too late. Only after the papers have been signed, the furniture divided, and separate apartments rented to the execs realize how much they really gave up when they gave up on each other. Too often a good marriage is taken for granted rather than given the nurturing and respect it deserves and desperately needs.

Gottman, John and Nan Silver: The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide From the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert (New York: Three Rivers Press, 1999).

A Question of Rights

Q: Isn’t same sex marriage just a matter of civil rights – similar to the civil rights movement of the 1960’s?
A: No. The question of interracial marriage in the 1960’s was who can get married. The question of same sex marriage today is what marriage is. This isn’t a matter of society allowing or not allowing something. This is a question of whether or not something is possible. It’s not a question of civil rights whether men should be allowed to breastfeed – they can’t.

It’s not a question of civil rights whether a man should be allowed to be a mother – he can’t.
Similarly, the question here is not whether I should be allowed to marry whomever I choose. The question is whether a man and a man, or a woman and a woman, can form the kind of union that is marriage.

If marital union is only a matter of affection then they can, and it’s a matter of civil
rights. But if marital union is also the kind of union from which children come – even if no children actually come from it – then they can’t. The bodies of a same sex couple don’t go together that way.
It’s not a matter of denying someone’s civil rights – which we should never do. It’s a matter of admitting what is and isn’t possible.

Q: Isn’t same sex marriage essentially a matter of letting consenting adults decide what to do with their own bodies?

A Question of Scripture

Q: I understand that the book of Leviticus condemns homosexual behavior (Lv 18). But the book of Leviticus says a lot of other things, too – for example, that you can possess slaves (25:44-46), and that you can’t get the hair around your temples cut (19:27). With statements like these, why should we take the condemnation of homosexual behavior in Leviticus seriously?
A: The book of Leviticus does say some things that strike us as odd. But:
1) A general rule for reading the Bible is that you cannot take particular quotes in isolation from the whole Old Testament. You have to look at the Old Testament as a whole, and ask what it says about sexual relations. The treatment of homosexual behavior in Leviticus is consistent with the message of the whole Old Testament regarding God’s plan for sexual relations. That’s a reason to take it seriously.

2) There are some things in the Old Testament that don’t carry through to the New Testament, and some things that do. For example, the New Testament does not uphold the kosher laws or the law of circumcision. But the New Testament does uphold the condemnation of homosexual behavior – see Romans 1:24-27, 1 Corinthians 6:9‐10 and 1 Timothy 1:8-11. When something is forbidden in the Old Testament and in the New Testament, that’s a reason to take it seriously.

Q: I understand that St. Paul condemns homosexual behavior (Rom 1:24‐27; 1 Cor 6:9-10; 1 Tim 1: 8-11). But St. Paul says a lot of other things, too – for example, that slaves should obey their masters (Eph 6:5), and that women should wear veils in Church (19:27). With outdated statements like these, why should we take the condemnation of homosexual behavior in St. Paul seriously?
A: St. Paul does say some things that strike us as odd. But:
A general rule for reading the Bible is that you cannot take particular quotes in isolation from the whole. So, for example, you have to look at the New Testament as a whole, and ask what it says about sexual relations.

The treatment of homosexual behavior in Saint Paul is consistent with the message of the whole New Testament regarding God’s plan for sexual relations. If you dismiss St. Paul, you have to dismiss the whole New Testament. That’s a reason to take it seriously.