Revised October 11, 2016

Dear Engaged Couple,
 
Congratulation on your recent engagement, I hope that this time of your engagement is a joyous time for the both of you as you prepare for your big day.  I am grateful also to God for the gift of faith that has brought you here to me in order to discuss the possibility of the two of you being married in the Catholic Church.
 
I am glad that you have chosen me to help prepare you for marriage and/or to celebrate this wonderful sacrament with you.  The preparation of a couple for marriage is one of my most solemn duties because I truly believe that through honest and thorough preparation your marriage can be not only a lasting one but a life giving marriage—a marriage that brings happiness and joy to both the groom and bride and if God willing their children.
 
This letter is meant to be a guide for us as we begin the process of preparing you for the Sacrament of Marriage.  With each of us entering into the process with our own personal dreams and expectations, I will lay out some of my expectations for the both of you and I pray that you will both feel free to tell me any of your expectations. 
 
My first expectation is that you will be completely honest with me and the couples who aid me in preparing engaged couples for marriage.  Honesty is essential even though it will not always be easy because we will have to discuss many different & difficult issues.  Please know that on my part, I have every desire to see you both married in the Catholic Church and will work with you as long as I believe that you are honestly working with me.
 
My second expectation is that you both have a desire to have a Catholic Wedding.  Above all a Catholic wedding means that you plan to have God as an active member in your marriage and thus in your engagement.  In practical ways it means that you are getting married in the Catholic Church not because of the beauty of its building or the beautiful liturgy or because your parents wish you too.  God should play an active role in your life now, which means weekly Mass.  (If you are not Catholic you should be attending a service of your choice.)  This also means that we need to abide by the Church’s requirements for couples that wish to get married.  (If you are Catholic this means that you need to be baptized, received first communion, and been confirmed.   All Catholic parties must get a copy of their Baptismal certificate from their Church of Baptism) If you have not received any of these sacraments, we can work with you so that you may be fully initiated into the Catholic Church by the time of your marriage.) I also encourage you to celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation before your wedding day.   A third implication of a Catholic Wedding, is that even though we may set a date down and reserve the Church for your wedding, I have the right to ask you to delay your marriage if I do not feel that you are prepared to celebrate the sacrament of marriage.
   
My third expectation is that you desire to have a long lasting marriage.  This expectation may seem to be a little odd for no one enters into marriage hoping to get a divorce but this expectation has much deeper meaning for long lasting marriages are not a thing of chance but rather are products of hard work and sacrifice by both partners in the marriage.  Using the tools provided us by the Archdiocese of St. Louis we will look at some very hard and personal issues.  These issues may require a change in thinking or mean that one must be willing to face deep buried wounds from childhood.  The easy thing would be to ignore them but problems that are ignored now only resurface later. 
 
My last expectations are very practical expectations that need to be covered.  You will receive a sheet of liturgical norms for decorations and rules for the ceremony published by the Church in which you are celebrating your wedding and I assume that we will follow these norms.  Secondly each of you will be expected to take the FOCCUS (A psychological tool which allows us to identify key problem areas as well as areas of great strengths.)  My secretary will e-mail you a website and password to allow you take the test online.  The cost of the test is about fifteen dollars.  After I have received the FOCCUS results, I will meet with you three to four times to talk about different aspects of Marriage. I will also ask you to watch three movies that I will provide.  The first is Fireproof, the second is Five Love Languages and the third is called The Gift. In our last meeting, we will go over your plans for the wedding liturgies & tie up any loose ends. Finally, I expect that you will meet with mentoring couples who will help you prepare for marriage as they share some of their experience with you.  The mentoring couple will lead you through a program called “Transformed in Love”.  The cost of this program is thirty dollars and is designed to cover the cost of materials. If meeting with the mentoring couple does not work you may sign up for an Archdiocesan sponsor marriage preparation retreat weekend.  Lastly I would like you to take a Natural Family Planning Class offered by the Archdiocese. Please go to the following website to listed below for times and locations.
 
Some additional clarifications – We will be doing a Catholic Liturgy and therefore I would like to approve the musician and photographer.  The musician I want to make sure knows how to assist at a Catholic liturgy and the photographer has to understand that he or she is recording something sacred and not a fashion show in Times Square.  I also expect all Church and organist fees to be paid before the wedding rehearsal.  Please do not put me in an uncomfortable position.  Please know that the fee to the Church does not go to me but rather goes to the Church itself for the cost of utilities.  If you would like to make a gift to me that would be appreciated but is in no way required.  
 
Once again I wish to stress upon you my desire to see you both happily married in the Church.  These expectations may seem to be a little tough on paper but I assure you that this will be a time of great learning and fun as you prepare for your marriage.  We all want the same thing—to see you happily married ever after. 
 
God bless,

Fr. Thomas M. Pastorius

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Checklist 
1.  Groom’s Baptismal Certificate*

2.  Bride’s Baptism Certificate*

3.  FOCCUS Test – Each of you will receive an e-mail after our first visit together.  Click on the link in the e-mail and take the test provided.  There is a $15.00 fee that is payable online for the test. 

4.  Natural Family Planning Course                       

5.  Transforming Love Marriage Prep Program w/ Mentoring Program or Archdiocesan Marriage Preparation Weekend

6.  Fireproof Movie     

7.  The Gift Movie        

8.   Five Love Languages Movie

9.  Liturgy Planning Worksheet 

10.  Wedding Program Reviewed by priest & musician

11.  Marriage License

* Must get from the Church of your baptism in that church is closed you can contact Archdiocesan Archives by going to www.archstl.org. 

**Can be found at www.mayjesuschristbepraised.com click on the “Marriage” Tab under the “Sacrament Section”.
 
Archdiocesan Marriage Preparation Weekends that can be used instead of the parish mentoring couple program
http://archstl.org/laityandfamilylife/page/marriage-preparation-class-schedule
http://www.stlengagedencounter.org/  

Wedding Planning Worksheet

Option 1: The Rite of Marriage within Mass
With this option the couple celebrates the Sacrament of Marriage in the context of the Mass.  This option is not recommended for couples in which the bride or groom is not Catholic.

Option 2: The Rite of Marriage outside Mass.
With this options couples celebrate the Sacrament of Marriage in the context of a Liturgy of the Word service. 

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Normal Flow of A Wedding
*Only for Weddings that Inlcude a Mass

Normally you use all the prayers from the same series.

First Reading

Option 1
Genesis 1:26-28, 31a
Then God said: "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. Let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and the cattle, and over all the wild animals and all the creatures that crawl on the ground." God created man in his image; in the divine image he created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them, saying: "Be fertile and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it. Have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and all the living things that move on the earth." God looked at everything he had made, and he found it very good.

Option 2
Genesis 2:18-24
The LORD God said: "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a suitable partner for him." So the LORD God formed out of the ground various wild animals and various birds of the air, and he brought them to the man to see what he would call them; whatever the man called each of them would be its name. The man gave names to all the cattle, all the birds of the air, and all the wild animals; but none proved to be the suitable partner for the man. So the LORD God cast a deep sleep on the man, and while he was asleep, he took out one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. The LORD God then built up into a woman the rib that he had taken from the man. When he brought her to the man, the man said: "This one, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; This one shall be called 'woman,' for out of 'her man' this one has been taken." That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body.

Option 3
Genesis 24:48-51, 58-67
Then I bowed down in worship to the LORD, blessing the LORD, the God of my master Abraham, who had led me on the right road to obtain the daughter of my master's kinsman for his son. If, therefore, you have in mind to show true loyalty to my master, let me know; but if not, let me know that, too. I can then proceed accordingly." Laban and his household said in reply: "This thing comes from the LORD; we can say nothing to you either for or against it. Here is Rebekah, ready for you; take her with you, that she may become the wife of your master's son, as the LORD has said." So they called Rebekah and asked her, "Do you wish to go with this man?" She answered, "I do." At this they allowed their sister Rebekah and her nurse to take leave, along with Abraham's servant and his men. Invoking a blessing on Rebekah, they said: "Sister, may you grow into thousands of myriads; And may your descendants gain possession of the gates of their enemies!" Then Rebekah and her maids started out; they mounted their camels and followed the man. So the servant took Rebekah and went on his way. Meanwhile Isaac had gone from Beer-lahai-roi and was living in the region of the Negeb. One day toward evening he went out. . . in the field, and as he looked around, he noticed that camels were approaching. Rebekah, too, was looking about, and when she saw him, she alighted from her camel and asked the servant, "Who is the man out there, walking through the fields toward us?" "That is my master," replied the servant. Then she covered herself with her veil. The servant recounted to Isaac all the things he had done. Then Isaac took Rebekah into his tent; he married her, and thus she became his wife. In his love for her Isaac found solace after the death of his mother Sarah.

Option 4
Tobit 7:6-14
Raguel sprang up and kissed him, shedding tears of joy. But when he heard that Tobit had lost his eyesight, he was grieved and wept aloud. He said to Tobiah: "My child, God bless you! You are the son of a noble and good father. But what a terrible misfortune that such a righteous and charitable man should be afflicted with blindness!" He continued to weep in the arms of his kinsman Tobiah. His wife Edna also wept for Tobit; and even their daughter Sarah began to weep. Afterward, Raguel slaughtered a ram from the flock and gave them a cordial reception. When they had bathed and reclined to eat, Tobiah said to Raphael, "Brother Azariah, ask Raguel to let me marry my kinswoman Sarah." Raguel overheard the words; so he said to the boy: "Eat and drink and be merry tonight, for no man is more entitled to marry my daughter Sarah than you, brother. Besides, not even I have the right to give her to anyone but you, because you are my closest relative. But I will explain the situation to you very frankly. I have given her in marriage to seven men, all of whom were kinsmen of ours, and all died on the very night they approached her. But now, son, eat and drink. I am sure the Lord will look after you both." Tobiah answered, "I will eat or drink nothing until you set aside what belongs to me." Raguel said to him: "I will do it. She is yours according to the decree of the Book of Moses. Your marriage to her has been decided in heaven! Take your kinswoman; from now on you are her love, and she is your beloved. She is yours today and ever after. And tonight, son, may the Lord of heaven prosper you both. May he grant you mercy and peace." Then Raguel called his daughter Sarah, and she came to him. He took her by the hand and gave her to Tobiah with the words: "Take her according to the law. According to the decree written in the Book of Moses she is your wife. Take her and bring her back safely to your father. And may the God of heaven grant both of you peace and prosperity." He then called her mother and told her to bring a scroll, so that he might draw up a marriage contract stating that he gave Sarah to Tobiah as his wife according to the decree of the Mosaic law. Her mother brought the scroll, and he drew up the contract, to which they affixed their seals. Afterward they began to eat and drink.

Option 5
Tobit 8:4b-8
Tobiah arose from bed and said to his wife, "My love, get up. Let us pray and beg our Lord to have mercy on us and to grant us deliverance." She got up, and they started to pray and beg that deliverance might be theirs. He began with these words: "Blessed are you, O God of our fathers; praised be your name forever and ever. Let the heavens and all your creation praise you forever. You made Adam and you gave him his wife Eve to be his help and support; and from these two the human race descended. You said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone; let us make him a partner like himself.' Now, Lord, you know that I take this wife of mine not because of lust, but for a noble purpose. Call down your mercy on me and on her, and allow us to live together to a happy old age." They said together, "Amen, amen,"

Option 6
Proverbs 31:10-13, 19-20, 30-31
When one finds a worthy wife, her value is far beyond pearls. Her husband, entrusting his heart to her, has an unfailing prize. She brings him good, and not evil, all the days of her life. She obtains wool and flax and makes cloth with skillful hands. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her fingers ply the spindle. She reaches out her hands to the poor, and extends her arms to the needy. Charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting; the woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her a reward of her labors, and let her works praise her at the city gates.

Option 7
Song of Songs 2:8-10,14,16a;8:6-7a
I amassed for myself silver and gold, and the wealth of kings and provinces. I got for myself male and female singers and all human luxuries. I became great, and I stored up more than all others before me in Jerusalem; my wisdom, too, stayed with me. Nothing that my eyes desired did I deny them, nor did I deprive myself of any joy, but my heart rejoiced in the fruit of all my toil. This was my share for all my toil. The wise man has eyes in his head, but the fool walks in darkness. Yet I knew that one lot befalls both of them.
Neither of the wise man nor of the fool will there be an abiding remembrance, for in days to come both will have been forgotten.

Option 8
Sirach 26:1-4, 13-16
Happy the husband of a good wife, twice-lengthened are his days; A worthy wife brings joy to her husband, peaceful and full is his life. A good wife is a generous gift bestowed upon him who fears the LORD; Be he rich or poor, his heart is content, and a smile is ever on his face. A gracious wife delights her husband, her thoughtfulness puts flesh on his bones; A gift from the LORD is her governed speech, and her firm virtue is of surpassing worth. Choicest of blessings is a modest wife, priceless her chaste person. Like the sun rising in the LORD'S heavens, the beauty of a virtuous wife is the radiance of her home.

Option 9
Jeremiah 31:31-22a, 33-34
The days are coming, says the LORD, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and the house of Judah. It will not be like the covenant I made with their fathers the day I took them by the hand to lead them forth from the land of Egypt. But this is the covenant which I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the LORD. I will place my law within them, and write it upon their hearts; I will be their God, and they shall be my people. No longer will they have need to teach their friends and kinsmen how to know the LORD.

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Second Reading

Option 1
Romans 8:31b-35, 37-39
If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but handed him over for us all, how will he not also give us everything else along with him? Who will bring a charge against God's chosen ones? It is God who acquits us. Who will condemn? It is Christ (Jesus) who died, rather, was raised, who also is at the right hand of God, who indeed intercedes for us. What will separate us from the love of Christ? Will anguish, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or the sword? As it is written: "For your sake we are being slain all the day; we are looked upon as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we conquer overwhelmingly through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor present things, nor future things, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Option 2
Romans 12:1-2; 9-18
I urge you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, your spiritual worship. Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect. Let love be sincere; hate what is evil, hold on to what is good; love one another with mutual affection; anticipate one another in showing honor. Do not grow slack in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, endure in affliction, persevere in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the holy ones, exercise hospitality. Bless those who persecute (you), bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Have the same regard for one another; do not be haughty but associate with the lowly; do not be wise in your own estimation. Do not repay anyone evil for evil; be concerned for what is noble in the sight of all. If possible, on your part, live at peace with all.

Option 3
Romans 15:1b-3a, 5-7, 13
We who are strong ought to put up with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves; let each of us please our neighbor for the good, for building up. For Christ did not please himself; but, May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to think in harmony with one another, in keeping with Christ Jesus, that with one accord you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Welcome one another, then, as Christ welcomed you, for the glory of God. May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the holy Spirit.

Option 4
1 Corinthians 6:13c-15a; 17-20
The body, however, is not for immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord is for the body; God raised the Lord and will also raise us by his power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? But whoever is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Avoid immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the immoral person sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been purchased at a price. Therefore, glorify God in your body.

Option 5
1 Corinthians 12:31-13:8a
Strive eagerly for the greatest spiritual gifts. But I shall show you a still more excellent way. If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, (love) is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

Option 6
Ephesians 5:2a 21-33
as Christ loved us and handed himself over for us as a sacrificial offering to God for a fragrant aroma. Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body. As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. So (also) husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. "For this reason a man shall leave (his) father and (his) mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the church.

Option 7
Philippians 4:4-9
Rejoice in the Lord always. I shall say it again: rejoice! Your kindness should be known to all. The Lord is near. Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me. Then the God of peace will be with you.

Option 8
Colossians 3:12-17
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do. And over all these put on love, that is, the bond of perfection. And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were also called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, as in all wisdom you teach and admonish one another, singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

Option 9
Hebrews 13:1-4a, 5-6b
Let mutual love continue. Do not neglect hospitality, for through it some have unknowingly entertained angels. Be mindful of prisoners as if sharing their imprisonment, and of the ill-treated as of yourselves, for you also are in the body. Let marriage be honored among all and the marriage bed be kept undefiled, Let your life be free from love of money but be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never forsake you or abandon you." Thus we may say with confidence: "The Lord is my helper, (and) I will not be afraid.

Option 10
1 Peter 3:1-9
Likewise, you wives should be subordinate to your husbands so that, even if some disobey the word, they may be won over without a word by their wives' conduct when they observe your reverent and chaste behavior. Your adornment should not be an external one: braiding the hair, wearing gold jewelry, or dressing in fine clothes, but rather the hidden character of the heart, expressed in the imperishable beauty of a gentle and calm disposition, which is precious in the sight of God. For this is also how the holy women who hoped in God once used to adorn themselves and were subordinate to their husbands; thus Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him "lord." You are her children when you do what is good and fear no intimidation. Likewise, you husbands should live with your wives in understanding, showing honor to the weaker female sex, since we are joint heirs of the gift of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. Finally, all of you, be of one mind, sympathetic, loving toward one another, compassionate, humble. Do not return evil for evil, or insult for insult; but, on the contrary, a blessing, because to this you were called, that you might inherit a blessing.

Option 11
1 John 3:18-24
Children, let us love not in word or speech but in deed and truth. (Now) this is how we shall know that we belong to the truth and reassure our hearts before him in whatever our hearts condemn, for God is greater than our hearts and knows everything. Beloved, if (our) hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence in God and receive from him whatever we ask, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him. And his commandment is this: we should believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and love one another just as he commanded us. Those who keep his commandments remain in him, and he in them, and the way we know that he remains in us is from the Spirit that he gave us.

Option 12
1 John 4:7-12
Beloved, let us love one another, because love is of God; everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God. Whoever is without love does not know God, for God is love. In this way the love of God was revealed to us: God sent his only Son into the world so that we might have life through him. In this is love: not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as expiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also must love one another. No one has ever seen God. Yet, if we love one another, God remains in us, and his love is brought to perfection in us.

Option 13
Revelations 19:1-5-9
After this I heard what sounded like the loud voice of a great multitude in heaven, saying: "Alleluia! ¹ Salvation, glory, and might belong to our God, A voice coming from the throne said: "Praise our God, all you his servants, (and) you who revere him, small and great." Then I heard something like the sound of a great multitude or the sound of rushing water or mighty peals of thunder, as they said: "Alleluia! The Lord has established his reign, (our) God, the almighty. Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory. For the wedding day of the Lamb has come, his bride has made herself ready. She was allowed to wear a bright, clean linen garment." (The linen represents the righteous deeds of the holy ones.) Then the angel said to me, "Write this: Blessed are those who have been called to the wedding feast of the Lamb."

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Gospel

Option 1
Mathew 5:1-12a
When he saw the crowds, he went up the mountain, and after he had sat down, his disciples came to him. He began to teach them, saying: "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the land. Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be satisfied. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the clean of heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when they insult you and persecute you and utter every kind of evil against you (falsely) because of me. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward will be great in heaven.

Option 2
Mathew 5:13-16
"You are the salt of the earth. But if salt loses its taste, with what can it be seasoned? It is no longer good for anything but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. You are the light of the world. A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and then put it under a bushel basket; it is set on a lamp stand, where it gives light to all in the house. Just so, your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father.

Option 3
Mathew 7:21, 24-29
"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven. "Everyone who listens to these words of mine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on rock. The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew and buffeted the house. But it did not collapse; it had been set solidly on rock. And everyone who listens to these words of mine but does not act on them will be like a fool who built his house on sand. The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew and buffeted the house. And it collapsed and was completely ruined." When Jesus finished these words, the crowds were astonished at his teaching, for he taught them as one having authority, and not as their scribes.

Option 4
Mathew 19:3-6
Some Pharisees approached him, and tested him, saying, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause whatever?" He said in reply, "Have you not read that from the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no human being must separate."

Option 5
Mathew 22:35-40
and one of them [a scholar of the law] tested him by asking, "Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?" He said to him, "You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and the first commandment. The second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. The whole law and the prophets depend on these two commandments."

Option 6
Mark 10:6-9
But from the beginning of creation, 'God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother (and be joined to his wife), and the two shall become one flesh.' So they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate."

Option 7
John 2:1-11
On the third day there was a wedding in Cana in Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. Jesus and his disciples were also invited to the wedding. When the wine ran short, the mother of Jesus said to him, "They have no wine." (And) Jesus said to her, "Woman, how does your concern affect me? My hour has not yet come." His mother said to the servers, "Do whatever he tells you." Now there were six stone water jars there for Jewish ceremonial washings, each holding twenty to thirty gallons. Jesus told them, "Fill the jars with water." So they filled them to the brim. Then he told them, "Draw some out now and take it to the headwaiter." So they took it. And when the headwaiter tasted the water that had become wine, without knowing where it came from (although the servers who had drawn the water knew), the headwaiter called the bridegroom and said to him, "Everyone serves good wine first, and then when people have drunk freely, an inferior one; but you have kept the good wine until now." Jesus did this as the beginning of his signs in Cana in Galilee and so revealed his glory, and his disciples began to believe in him.

Option 8
John 15:9-12
As the Father loves me, so I also love you. Remain in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and remain in his love. "I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete. This is my commandment: love one another as I love you.

Option 9
John 15:12-16
This is my commandment: love one another as I love you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. I no longer call you slaves, because a slave does not know what his master is doing. I have called you friends, because I have told you everything I have heard from my Father. It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name he may give you.

Option 10
John 17:20-26
"I pray not only for them, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, so that they may all be one, as you, Father, are in me and I in you, that they also may be in us, that the world may believe that you sent me. And I have given them the glory you gave me, so that they may be one, as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may be brought to perfection as one, that the world may know that you sent me, and that you loved them even as you loved me. Father, they are your gift to me. I wish that where I am they also may be with me, that they may see my glory that you gave me, because you loved me before the foundation of the world. Righteous Father, the world also does not know you, but I know you, and they know that you sent me. I made known to them your name and I will make it known, that the love with which you loved me may be in them and I in them."

Prayers of the Faithful For Weddings Option 1

1. For our Holy Father on earth, the Pope, all the bishops and the clergy everywhere that they may lead us to a deeper faith in God and a stronger love for others. We pray to the Lord.

2. For our president and all leaders of government that they may be effective in achieving peace and eliminating poverty, We pray to the Lord.

3. For married persons that they may continue to give, be able to forgive, and find happiness deepen with the passing of each day, We pray to the Lord.

4. For Groom and Bride, now beginning their life together, that they may have divine assistance at every moment, the constant support of friends, the rich blessing of children, a warm love reaching out to others, and good health until a ripe old age. We pray to the Lord.

5. For those who are sick, lonely, discouraged, or oppressed that they may be strengthened by God’s help and aided by their friends. We pray to the Lord.

6. For those who have died, especially the relatives and friends of N. & N. and of all present for this wedding, that they may enjoy perfect happiness and total fulfillment in eternal life. We pray to the Lord.

7. For those personal needs which we mention now in the silence of our hearts. We pray to the Lord

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Prayers of the Faithful For Weddings Option 2

1. For leaders of Church and state, for heads of institutions, for heads of homes and households that they will lead us and guide us in search for God and the good life, in the search for peace and joy, in search for love among us. We pray to the Lord.

2. For all married people, for those who married yesterday, for the new couple N. & N. married today, for those who will marry tomorrow that they may savor the joy of being together, warm love, and children, a long life, wine and friends, and a new day, everyday. We pray to the Lord.

3. For all young and single people who look forward to a vocation full of life and full of love. We pray to the Lord.

4. For the lonely old and the lonely young, for the hungry rich and the hungry poor, for the sick in body, mind and spirit, for the weakness in all of us. We pray to the Lord.

5. For our relatives and friends who walk with us on life’s journey and for those who have gone before us to the other side of life especially the family and friends of (N. & N.). For the fulfillment of all their unfulfilled desires. We pray to the Lord.

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Prayers of the Faithful For Weddings Option 3

1. For the Church: that we may more and more put on the attitude of Christ and empty ourselves into God’s loving care and the service of others. We pray to the Lord.

2. For the grace of conversion: that we may not merely speak of God’s ways but live as faithful and dedicated disciples. We pray to the Lord.

3. For continued growth in love and responsibility for N & N who God has joined together today in marriage; may God continue to help them to be committed to each other and may all their decision bring them closer together. . We pray to the Lord.

4. For N. and N. that they may grow in the grace God and come to know God’s ways: that the Spirit will give them insight and understanding into all of life’s problems so that they may discern God’s invitations and follow the path of life God has prepared for them. We pray to the Lord.

5. For a healing of our attitudes in our families: that God will free us from pride, selfishness and glory, and help us to serve others with love, patience, and humility. We pray to the Lord.

6. For the unity of Christians: that all believers may be of one mind and heart and work together in confronting evil and serving God. We pray to the Lord.

7. For all who are sick, particularly those members of our family who could not be with us for this joyful celebration: that God will bring healing to the sick and wisdom to those caring for them. We pray to the Lord.

8. For all our loved ones who have died, May God welcome them into his heavenly wedding feast. We pray to the Lord.

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Prayers of the Faithful For Weddings Option 4

1. For the church: that we may experience salvation as God's gift, accept it humbly and share it generously with others. We pray to the Lord.

2. For N&N who seek God presence in their new marriage and for all of us who are searching to recognize God’s presence in our lives: may the Spirit of God will open all of us to God’s presence, action and invitation in our lives. We pray to the Lord.

3. For N&N so that they may receive the grace to prefer nothing to Christ and their spouse; may they live each day encountering Christ and growing more in love with their spouse. We pray to the Lord.

4. For all of us present; may we always see our families as a gift from God. We pray to the Lord.

5. For a spirit of openness and receptivity before God: that we may accept God’s abundant love as God; may we never doubt God’s loving presence. We pray to the Lord.

6. For the young people may they desire always to do God’s will. We pray in a special way for those who are preparing for the sacrament of marriage may grow in their knowledge and love of God. We pray to the Lord.

7. For wisdom: that the Spirit will guide all of us in discovering new ways of strengthening the bond within families and uniting them more closely to the church. We pray to the Lord.

8. For all who are ill, particularly those members of N& N families who could not be here today and for those who c are for them: that God will relieve their suffering and restore them to life and that God will guide all who are searching for a cures . We pray to the Lord.

9. For all who have died that God may welcome them into his heavenly kingdom where there is nothing but peace and love. We pray to the Lord.

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1. Flowers to Mary
Couples can choose to present flowers in front of a statue or painting of the Blessed Virgin Mary as a sign of their prayer that Mary will intercede for them to her Son like she did for the newly married couple in Cana. Normaly the Ave Maria is played at that time.

Sample Wording:
Celebrant: At this time Groom. & Bride will present flowers before the statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary as a symbol of their prayers that Mary will intercede on their behalf as she did at the wedding feast of Cana, to her son Jesus, so that they may have a long and blessed marriage.

2. Flowers to Parents @ Sign of Peace
Couples can choose to present flowers to their parents as a sign of their gratitude for the love and care they have received from them.

3. Unity Candle
Unity Candles were invented by Soap Operas in order to show their charachters getting married without showing any religious affiliation and for this reason they are sometimes frown upon. Couples who chose to use the Unity Candle do so a sign of respect for their pasts and a commitment to their future. They are reminded that they are as a couple supposed to be a light revealing God's love in this dark world.

Sample Wording:
Celebrant: Through Bride and Groom exchange of consent, their vows and the power of the Holy Spirit we have become witnesses of the birth of a new family. As a symbol of respect for their pasts and hope for their future, Bride and Groom will not light their unity candle using the candles that their parents lit from the Easter Candle earlier.

4. Blessing and Exchange of Coins
In some cultures there is a custom of the couple exchanging coins as a sign of their hope that God will bless their marriage.

Sample Wording:
Option 1
Celebrant: Lord, bless + these coins, a symbol of the material abundance and prosperity that you give your people, through Christ our Lord.

Groom: (Bride), accept these coins as my pledge to support you and our children, to stand by you and be at your service.

Bride: (Groom), I accept these coins with a grateful heart. With a trusting spirit, I place myself in your care. I, in turn want to stand by you and give my care in all your concern.

Celebrant: (Bride and Groom), these coins signify prosperity and wealth. Together may you aspire to better your life and those you love. May yours lives be the fulfillment of both of your dreams and aspirations. You are wealthy indeed, as attested by the loved ones who are here with you today, bearing witness to your love to each other, with their best wishes on this your special day. Today marks the first day of the rest of your life together. May God who has begun this good work within you bring it to its completion.

Option 2
Groom: (Bride), receive these coins. They are tokens of the care and compassion that extends beyond those things that may be lacking, yet necessary, in our home.

Bride: I, (Bride), receive these coins as a sign of your care and compassion that extends even beyond all those events we may enjoy in our home.

Celebrant: (Bride and Groom), these coins signify prosperity and wealth. Together may you aspire to better your life and those you love. May yours lives be the fulfillment of both of your dreams and aspirations. You are wealthy indeed, as attested by the loved ones who are here with you today, bearing witness to your love to each other, with their best wishes on this your special day. Today marks the first day of the rest of your life together. May God who has begun this good work within you bring it to its completion.

5. Exchange of Bible and Rosary
As a sign of their desire to have God as a part of their daily life as a married couple, the bride and groom may present each other with a bible and a rosary.

Sample Wording:
Option A
Celebrant: As a sign of their desire to have the Word of God always present in their home. (Groom and Bride) are being presented a Bible and the Rosary from this community.

Celebrant: (Groom and Bride), as a Christian couple, you are to strengthen your marriage through the regular reading of Scripture. May this Holy Bible enlighten your hearts and your minds. May this rosary be an aide for your spiritual lives as you meditate on the life, death, and resurrection of the Lord.

Celebrant: Most gracious God, we give you thanks for your tender love in sending Jesus Christ to come among us, to be born of a human mother, and to make the way of the cross to be the way of life. We thank you, also, for consecrating the union of man and woman in his Name. May they always grow closer to you.

Option B
Celebrant: As a sign of their desire to have the Word of God always present in their home. (Groom and Bride) will present each other a Bible and the Rosary.

Celebrant: (Groom and Bride), as a Christian couple, you are to strengthen your marriage through the regular reading of Scripture. May this Holy Bible enlighten your hearts and your minds. May this rosary be an aide for your spiritual lives as you meditate on the life, death, and resurrection of the Lord.

Celebrant: Most gracious God, we give you thanks for your tender love in sending Jesus Christ to come among us, to be born of a human mother, and to make the way of the cross to be the way of life. We thank you, also, for consecrating the union of man and woman in his Name. May they always grow closer to you.

Leading Grace @ Reception or Reherseal Dinner
1. Grace Before a Wedding Reception
God our Father, & Lord of all Creation:
We gather here now to celebrate the love and commitment of Bride & Groom, as they share their first meal together as husband and wife.  We thank You for giving Your Holy blessing today upon their marriage, and we ask that You continue to bless them with Your love and mercy throughout their lives together. Let this be the first of many loving meals blessed by Your grace and shared together with their family and friends.


And with Bride & Groom, and we their family, friends, & loved ones gathered here in Your presence, we ask for Your Holy blessing upon this meal as together we pray: Bless us, oh Lord, and these Thy gifts, which we are about to receive from Thy bounty; through Christ our Lord, Amen.
 
2. Blessing Adapted from the Serenity Prayer – Reinhold Neibuhr
GOD, grant Bride & Groom. the serenity to accept the things
they cannot change, in this life which they now share.
Grant them the courage to change the things they can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

May they live one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.
Taking, as your Son did, this sinful world as it is, not as they would have it.

May they always trust that He will make all things right if they  surrender to His Will;
That they may be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.
 
We ask for Your Holy blessing upon this meal as together we pray: Bless us, oh Lord, and these Thy gifts, which we are about to receive from Thy bounty; through Christ our Lord, Amen.
 
3. Blessing adapted from the Peace Prayer of St. Francis
Make Bride & Groom instruments of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let them sow love
Where there is injury, pardon,
Where there is doubt, faith
Where there is despair, hope,
Where there is darkness, light
And where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine master, grant that they may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console,
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying in this life that we are born into eternity.
 
We ask for Your Holy blessing upon this meal as together we pray: Bless us, oh Lord, and these Thy gifts, which we are about to receive from Thy bounty; through Christ our Lord, Amen.
 
4. Grace before Meal at a Wedding Reception
Keep Bride & Groom, O Lord, from pettiness, let them be thoughtful in word and deed.  Help them to put away all pretenses.  May they be able to face each other with a deep trust and with no fear or self-pity.  Help them to guard against faultfinding, and may they be quick to discover the best in each other and in every situation. 
 
Guard Bride & Groom from ill temper and hasty judgment; encourage them to take time for all things, to grow calm, serene, and gentle.  Help them to be generous with kind words and compliments.  Teach them to never ignore, never to hurt, or take each other for granted.  Please engrave your charity and compassion on to their hearts. We ask for Your Holy blessing upon this meal as together we pray: Bless us, oh Lord, and these Thy gifts, which we are about to receive from Thy bounty; through Christ our Lord, Amen.

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Help Writing a Toast
Preparation
Start off by writing down thoughts freely about the bride and groom and your relationship to them.
1.            How do you know them?
2.            Why did they choose you as best man?
3.            How would you describe each of them? What are the first five adjectives that come to mind?
4.            What was the groom like before he met the bride? How has he changed knowing her?
5.            How did they meet? How did the groom tell you about her?
6.            If you are married, you may wish to think about marriage advice you've received or have learned.
7.            Are there any particularly amusing anecdotes that illustrate who the bride and/or groom is?
8.            Research some classic wedding toast endings.
9.            Avoid telling stories that make you look good (remember the focus is on the couple)
10.          Avoid telling stories that might embarrass  or humiliate the bride or groom
 
Outline
1.            Beginning
Start off by introducing yourself, as not everyone in the room will know who you are. You might say "Excuse me everyone, if I could have your attention for a moment. I'd like to take a few moments to say a few words about our bride and groom. I'm John Doe, Patrick's best man and longtime good friend (or brother, son, etc.)" To get people's attention, you might insert a quick joke here or a quote about marriage. Before you get too far into your speech, you should thank the people hosting, traditionally the parents of the bride. If the bride and groom are paying for the wedding themselves, simply say, "We're all delighted to be here today on this joyous occasion."

2.            Middle
This is where the notes you wrote down before will really come in handy. Tell a funny story about the bride and/or groom (note I said "funny" not humiliating!), give your thoughts on love and marriage, tell the story of how they met, or talk about how you've seen them change through their relationship. While you may know the groom better, try to make your toast balanced, speaking about each of them. Try not to talk too long as nobody wants to hear you ramble, but do give some interesting details. At all costs, avoid ex-girlfriend stories and keep it rated PG for kids and grandmothers in the room! Most of all, if you are sincere about what you are saying, and your words come from the heart, it's hard to go wrong.

3.            Closing
It's often good to wrap up your toast with a wish, traditional toast, or blessing for the bride and groom.   Raise your glass with a resounding congratulations, cheers, l'chaim or salud, and don't forget to drink to your own toast!

Write your toast down on a note card or two and practice it a few times so that you're not reading straight from the card. You may also wish to run your toast by a trusted friend who can give you some feedback.

Now it's time to relax, enjoy the wedding, and support your friends.
 
Sample toasts:
1)  Here's to the bride - may she share everything with her husband...and that includes the housework.
Here's to the groom, a man who kept his head even while he lost his heart.
 
2) Here's to the new husband, and here's to the new wife, may they remain lovers, for all of life.
 
3) May thy life be long and happy, Thy cares and sorrows few; And the many friends around thee Prove faithful, fond and true.  May your voyage through life be as happy and as free  As the dancing waves on the deep blue sea

4)  (Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers. Now, remember this moment and cherish it... because this will be the last time you'll ever have the upper hand!"

5)  But rich or poor, quick or slow, May you know nothing but happiness  From this day forward.
 

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